How did this all begin?
I was married once before, actually. Early marriage at 22-years of age to my high school sweetheart. We bought a single family home together. The marriage lasted about 3-years total before we divorced. The details are inconsequential, but substance abuse on her part was one of the primary factors that led to the demise of that relationship.
At 25, having been with one woman for effectively 8-years, one would think that I would explore my new found freedom. D’OH! Not me, I was too stupid to do that. Someone at my workplace paid me some attention – PEW. A little flirtatiousness in the Fall of 1994 led to some dating around Thanksgiving that turned into a relationship after the 1st of 1995.
PEW, before she ballooned up to nearly 280-pounds a few years after she had me in her clutches, was actually a fairly pretty 125-pound, redheaded, Irish lass with a temper and thirst for booze to match. She was a binge drinker. At 25, that’s kind of fun. We would go out to happy hour or parties at co-workers places. I would keep myself under control. If I was doing that, she was going for broke! Slinging her ass over my shoulder when she would fall out of the car so drunk she couldn’t walk was “cute” and “funny.”
That was a red flag I ignored.
It was bizarre because I tend to study people. It wasn’t long before I realized that there was a distinct personality change in her if she had 1-more drink than 3. If she had 3 drinks in an evening, she was pleasant and fun. If she had a fourth, it was like someone threw a switch. He face physically changed, became harder, and had a hard-to-describe mean look. Also, if she had 1-drop more than 3 drinks – she was having 10-drinks. She either had 3-drinks or 10-drinks. There was rarely an in-between… She would hit the drink accelerator and not stop until she drank herself retarded.
That was a red flag I ignored.
The entire first year of our relationship saw her move in with me into my residence (the first wife vacated a while earlier). It also saw her leave or threaten to leave nearly a dozen times after many vicious, foul-mouthed assaults that were OFF-THE-CHAIN! You’ll enjoy many of the train’s derailments which took place over the years.
That was a red-flag I ignored.
Along with that, late in the first year came the intense pressure for wanting to be engaged. She would badger me and badger me and badger me until I would get pissed. At the time, early in 1996, I actually had a plan – but when she didn’t get it at New Year’s – she’d explode. When she didn’t get it at Valentine’s Day – she’d explode. It reached such a crescendo that I finally yelled at her during one of her meltdowns, I ACTUALLY HAVE A PLAN TO ASK YOU TO MARRY ME, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS, I’LL TELL YOU THE DATE AND TIME I INTEND TO ASK YOU, BUT I’M NOT GOING TO FUCKING ASK YOU UNTIL THEN! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!?!?
That stopped it for the time being. It was also another red flag I ignored. Yes, I accept full responsibility for the train trip I had embarked upon. I bought the ticket. I climbed on board. I had a tour that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The trip still isn’t over.
Mweaverpew's Weblog 