Inconsequential Details…

…leading up to our first custody evaluation…

In the aftermath of the protection from abuse hearing (or lack thereof), all remained eerily quiet on the road to the custody evaluation. There were a few issues that reared the ugly head from time-to-time:

Once the child-support payments were set-up, there were some snafus with the work check-runs that would prompt the regular, recurring “I didn’t get my support check” emails. Even after that was corrected, knucklehead wasn’t used to the usual red-tape delays that commonly occur because she had to have my wages garnished instead of taking my checks directly. Her choice, not mine. I finally got around to ignoring those emails after telling her a couple of times to take it up with the child support disbursement office. (For the record, I was paying $869/month for child support having them 50% of the time and also paying “temporary spousal support” to the tune of $204/month.) I’m still at a loss to figure out how I was to pay that much and her petition for spousal support was a joke. For someone who “couldn’t afford to pay reasonable attorney’s fees” – she sure was petition-happy during that period.

There was also the small matter of the direct checks I was sending her directly prior to the order. After some hemming and hawing as well as my providing ample proof via canceled checks – that was rectified as well and I received appropriate credit for payments made up to the time we finally had an order entered.

Our work schedules were tough and kind of messed-up on Fridays which brought another round of issues surrounding her desire to have her alcoholic, bipolar, untreated psycho-sister watching the children for a few hours on Fridays until I could pick them up. There was nothing I could do except document my objections. She tried to leverage my inability to adjust my work schedule into “being okay” with her sister watching the children. I simply repeated my objections and stated that there was nothing I could legally do to stop her from using psycho-SIL as a babysitter.

It was also the earliest foray into partial parallel-parenting, too. Though I still hadn’t officially heard of it, we had some problems with me sending the children over dressed in decent clothing only to have her not return the clothing. It wasn’t long before I was left with nothing but sweatpants and sweatshirts. When I asked her about returning the clothing, she informed me that they “didn’t fit right” and she disposed of them. It would be the last time I sent them back to her in anything that she didn’t first supply me with. The clothes were fine. So, from that moment on, I washed whatever it was they arrived in and sent them back home in it when it was time to return them. To this very day, I still do that. Money is tight and especially then… I couldn’t afford to have her trashing the clothes that I had purchased for them.

Between September and mid-October, we would have attended 6 custody evaluation sessions. 2 each alone. 1 together. 1 together with the children. Stay tuned…

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The Men’s Experiences with Partner Aggression Project

The Men’s Experiences with Partner Aggression Project is a research study at Clark University and is funded by the National Institute of Mental Health. Denise A. Hines, Ph.D., Clark University Department of Psychology, is the lead researcher on this project. She is conducting this project in conjunction with Emily M. Douglas, Ph.D., Bridgewater State College Department of Social Work, the Survey Center at the University of Southern Maine, and the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women.

Our goal is to better understand the experiences of men who are in relationships with women who use violence. Extensive research has shown that men are at risk for sustaining partner violence in their relationships, yet few studies have investigated their experiences, and there are few resources available to such men. This is an under-recognized problem in the United States, and by conducting this research project, we hope to provide much needed information on these men, their relationships, and their needs.

If you are a man between the ages of 18 and 59 and you have been physically assaulted at least one time in the last 12 months by a current or former intimate female partner you may be eligible to participate in this study. If you are interested in participating, please call the DAHMW at 1-888-743-5754 or email dahmwagency@gmail.com for information about the study and directions for participating. For more information about DAHMW visit their website: Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women.

Sincerely,

Jan Brown, Founder and Executive Director
http://www.dahmw.org
1-888-7HELPLINE (888-743-5754)
Bus: 207-683-5758

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Folks, this is a very important study (as have been those before it). The more you show a willingness to participate, the more likelihood the reality of this problem will be taken seriously and given the attention it needs. If you have had such an experience in the time-frame detailed above, I urge you to contribute.

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PEW Harasses The Entire Family

After not getting more attention from LM, PEW unleashes her venom upon everyone in her contact list. Literally. As Christmas draws to a close we begin getting calls from family members saying that PEW called them crying about how we abandoned the kids on Christmas Eve. WHAT? We fucking drove 4 fucking hours to get the kids, 4 hours I could have been with MY kids, and that whore is crying victim again? We simply say: If you don’t want her calling you, tell her so, she won’t listen to us.

Little did I know until a week later, she also contacted me. PEW is really starting to unravel at this point and has begun stalking me online. I have written for numerous sites over the last 7 years and my name is pretty much everywhere. Along with my articles are bylines that include my writers e-mail, which I don’t check very often as I use another address for family, friends and business. I don’t check it until Jan 2nd, but here is what she wrote to me:

(12/26/2006)PEW
I think it’s very sad that you KNEW he was going to do this and you didn’t do anything to stop it..I have been under a Dr’s care for 2 weeks…..fever, etc……..also….for a future step-mother to no even get on the phone to say merry christmas….that’s VERY telling……..what are you thinking????? I’m sad DW….very sad…..I had much more faith in you than you obviously deserved………it’s always been that way…I can’t figure out why an attractive woman like yourself…with obviously enough money to be independant would put up with someone like LM……….the only thing I can figure is that you don’t think much of yourself……please think of S9 and S6 for a minute…..I know it’s hard because their not your kids….but think about how they feel right now??? I have the flu…I have a Dr’s note…….I don’t know what else to give you guys….

Our Commentary: Oh no she didn’t. She has the nerve to write me at an e-mail I NEVER gave her and tell me *I* should think of her children? Was she thinking of MY children when I spent 4 hours driving on Christmas Eve? I thought her kids were having a great time with her? I thought they were happy being there? Isn’t that how they are feeling according to her? Flu my ass. First it was one day, then 3 days, and now we are up to sick for 2 weeks. Don’t think JC won’t notice these inconsistencies.

My response to her: (1/02/2007)DW
I will tell you this once, and once only. The next time you call my business, a personal phone number of mine, or e-mail a personal account of mine that is for anything other than the death or injury of one of your children, I will file harassment charges against you as well as a restraining order. Since my business is in M county, it will be infinitely easier than the last time you and your family decided to harass and threaten me. The same goes for your family, so you should refrain from your desire to send them this e-mail only to have them “come after me” much like a six year old would do.

You were not sick for 2 weeks, seeing as how on Christmas day you said it was only for 3 days which was a lie in and of itself, you and you alone chose to do this again to your children, as you even told LM that you told him a “month ago” you would not drive on Christmas Eve. What I KNEW LM would do, was what he was responsible for, driving to EP. LM and I took 4 hours out of our own Christmas Eve (away from MY children) to drive while you decided to play games yet again with your children’s lives. I’m sorry you feel the need to do this.

I no longer talk to your children on the phone because you have scared them into not wanting to talk to me because it makes you feel bad about yourself, they wish to protect you. I will not put them in between us, they are welcome to love me and talk to me when they are in my home, until they are comfortable showing affection for me around you. Hopefully someday you will think about your actions in front of the children and how it affects them, until then, the boys will suffer. For instance, you didn’t even look at your children, not to mention mine, when trying to start something in Wendy’s when you finally decided to do the right thing and pick up your children on Sunday. It shouldn’t surprise me, seeing as how you’ve done this numerous times during exchanges, and even at court while holding onto your children and trying to incite LM’s Mother. It’s sad that you have such little self control even in front of your own children. As you so often request of everyone else PEW, I hope someday you will get help for all of your issues and begin putting your children first, including doing your part in exchanges, diets, exercise, co-parenting and much needed therapy for the children.

I know this e-mail will do nothing for you to accept responsibility for yourself or your children, but know that I will no longer take over when you should be responsible. The boys will learn on their own who has cared for them by our actions.

Until then, do not call, e-mail, or visit me, or you will have charges filed against you.

Sincerely,
DW

(1/02/2007) PEW
I won’t contact you again….because again, I thought maybe you could be more reasonalbe or rational than LM, but you’re not, you’re even worse than him. LM and I will settle all of the rest of this in court, hopefully by the end of January. Feel free to TRY to file a restraining order or harrassment charges though….I have news for you, I have not threatened you or harrassed you in any way. We both know that you are the one who is truly responsible for all the “game” playing.
Thanks for your help.

Our commentary: Little did I know this would be the beginning of her following me around, trying to find out how much money I made, trying to make the courts sanction child support against ME, lmfao. Ah yes, but it’s all about money for us.

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