I remember the first night that I “met” the ex-FIL. PEW and I were out on a date, where and what we were doing is inconsequential because – I simply don’t remember it. What I do remember, all-too-vividly was going back to her parent’s house. It was late. She invited me in but, given her parents were likely home, I didn’t intend to stay very long. Quietly, we opened the door. As we walked through the living room, there he was in all of his bloated glory… passed-out cold. He was retarded drunk. He was wearing a nice sweater the was form fitting around his monumental “30-pack” abs. The ensemble was completed with a pair of red slacks, which, at this point, were torn from his asshole to his crotch as his legs likely flopped open into the slouched, spread-eagle position as he fell back into the easy-chair. He had pissed himself.
This was another serious red-flag I ignored.
I’m not entirely sure his alcoholism is that of the methodical, daily drunk. He was more the uncontrollable binge drinker, much like PEW at that time in her life. He is what people call a “functional alcoholic.” That moment should have been a sign among many, but the truth be told, it was the only time I ever saw him that shot-in-the-ass. I had seen him drunk from time-to-time, but he was little more than overbeearing, obnoxiously loud, and somewhat insulting in what he believes is a humorous way.
Yes, the grandfather of our children. He is an ex-police officer from a major metropolitan area. He has lots of friends in fairly high places still in that area. It’s not like he hasn’t accomplished anything in life. He really has done much good in life, just little, if anything, for his own family and their behavior and diagnoses reflect that. He heads up an organization that does a lot of good for people in an important sector of the community. He has managed to keep it going quite successfully for a long time and for that, he does deserve credit. (That’s the “functional” part of him.) If only all of these people who see him as such a wonderful person knew what kind of a self-loathing, abusive, son-of-a-bitch he is in real-life.
Yes, I’m certain a bit the of the Napoleanic Complex is what drives his incessant compulsion to put down anyone and everyone – even his loved ones. Coming from a home with several siblings, I know what it is to poke fun at one another, even at our “advanced” ages. We still know how to bust on each other with the best of them. The difference is, there is a level of maliciousness within that family, and they all do it, that can only be described as making one quite uncomfortable. It cuts to the soul and can be too personal for an offspring and even a sibling. It also explains how she came to acquire such expertise in the field of verbal abuse viciousness.
– There is the story of EE freaking out on PEW when she pulled an all-nighter at a young age where he screamed at her about suspecting giving blow-jobs and swallowing cum.
– There was, in my presence, him methodically insulting and embarrassing PP in front of me and the rest of the family about the size of her tits and the fact that she was overweight or had changed her hair color again.
– His incessantly making fun of a son who was voluntarily hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder after nearly killing himself (and quite possibly others).
– He never hesitated to unleash verbal assaults on MM (the wife), even in front of my children which I would invariably have to put down.
– His teaching my children songs that were racist or spoke of killing their mother or making fun of some other family member. He would even deliberately teach them foul language.
– He would tickle my children incessantly (but never to this degree when I was present) – to the point where they would be crying or nearly throwing-up, and then justify it to PEW by telling her “they asked me to do that, they were enjoying it!”
– He would spare no one insulting or demeaning jokes – even would make fun of the children about some feature that caught his attention. That is, except me. The one time in all the years that he ever dared attempt to be that “humorous” with me, I gave it back to him. I don’t even recall what he said to me, but without hesitation I retorted some crack about his physical condition where I coined the term “30-pack abs” which I deliberately put in the opening paragraph of this post. I do know, however, that he has joined the rest of the family in making fun of me since the marriage ended (coward that he is) even doing so in front of my children, which usually brought them to me full of interesting questions.
– Stories from their childhood about drunken rages, pulling guns on MM, verbally and physically abusing his children (which PEW would justify to her sister PP by telling her that she “deserved it” because she wouldn’t keep her mouth shut). Things ultimately got so bad that the kids had to go live with an aunt & uncle for some stretch of time.
There is an unending list of mini-stories I could post about here but it would make this post endless, as interesting a read as it may be. He’ll make some more stupid moves that I should have taken up a notch or ten, like the time he made a threatening phone call to our home, completely identifying himself, and then stammering like an idiot, blowing hot air much like he taught his children to do so well.
He is the root of all of this heartache and despair. Also, through stories, it is my understanding that he suffered a similar fate at the hands of his own parents. I guess he simply was unable to overcome the learned behaviors and/or genetics associated with whatever makes this picture of dysfunction so bleak.
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