Proactive Projection

Despite my title, I give her early credit for taking a stab at heading off any “drama” (as she put it) in the following email:

LM,

I just wanted to update you on S2. He still has a 103 fever. I’m going to give it till tomorrow and see if they can call something other than Amoxcicillan in. If my memory serves me, he never really responds to that. I called the Dr. this morning and they said to give it another 24 hours.

Also, I wanted to head off any holiday drama this year. Thanksgiving is mind right?

I know you get Christmas again, but that IS my week, so you will pick up on Christmas Eve and return them either Christmas Day evening or in the AM on the 26th? Please confirm pick up and drop off asap.

New years is mine this year. which falls during your week, so I am assuming we exchange new years eve and then again New years day??

Like I said. I want to head off the drama before it begins, so please respond asap.

~PEW

It’s apparently still too difficult for her to check the court order as the schedule is that clear.

• Thanksgiving is hers this year.
• Christmas is mine this year, pick-up on Christmas Eve and drop-off on December 26th.
• New Year’s is hers this year, pick-up on New Year’s Eve and drop-off on January 1st.

I did laugh a little at her contention that she is the one trying to head off the drama, considering she is the only one who has engaged in custodial interference, failing to show up for my Christmas holiday with the children in 2006. This resulted in a contempt hearing where she was found guilty of custodial interference and failure to follow other provisions of the court order in place at the time.

But hey… if that makes her feel better and she ultimate complies with the order this year… I’m okay with that!

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So I Don’t Have to be the Bad Guy…

The wait for the reply is over. At least initially, I was pleasantly surprised and prepared to say, “I was wrong, she came back with a reply that was civil and cooperative.” She did. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the backslide began and old habits reared their ugly head. The old habit? An inability to just step up and “be the parent.” So, without much further adieu – the reply regarding yesterday’s request for extra time with the children.

LM,

Actually, camp ends on the 15th for the summer. I had arranged to have my friend T——‘s nephew (a teenager) watch them that week, which is fine if you’re working up here and you want to leave them with him during the day at my house and just pick them up after you get done work that’s fine too.

I think it’s only fair that I let you have them early if you want this week since you did that for me when I wanted to go away. Are you guys going somewhere?

~PEW

A couple of things are interesting in this response. That is… aside from the apparent cooperation.

The first – the irony that she has a “teenager” prepared to babysit the children. This is another one of those examples where her rules don’t apply to her, just everyone else. Of course, the first thing I remember is her outrage that I had not one, but TWO very responsible 16-year olds watch the boys for a few hours on New Year’s Eve while DW and I attended a community event. So, it’s okay for her to do that (all day long while she is at work for a full week), but not okay for me to do it for a few hours. She made mention of it in this rant about her safety concerns.

The second – this is a violation of the court order. The childcare provision of our agreement was born of a couple of issues. #1 – her repeatedly pulling the children out of agreed-upon childcare and placing them with friends while pocketing my portion of the childcare expenses. (She was ultimately found in contempt-of-court on that issue.) #2 – Her objections over my early use of a nanny (who happened to be licensed and certified). In order to avoid any more problems, a provision regarding childcare requires:

7 – Childcare: During the school year, the children are to be enrolled in aftercare associated with the school they attend preferably. If not, another licensed daycare facility is permitted as agreed upon in writing by both parties. During the summer period, the children are to be enrolled in a licensed daycare facility, summer camp, or certified nanny as agreed upon in writing by both parties.

So much for her alleged safety concerns and at least she remains consistent in not following court orders. Still, I am pleased with the apparent cooperation!

Well, it didn’t last long. The initial response consititutes an “agreed upon change in writing between both parties.” See my post The Greatest Custody Order/Agreement Clause post. I wrote back:

PEW,

Thanks. If you have day coverage, that would make it MUCH easier. I can cover you on the 20th & 21st. No specific plans, just wanted to have two full weekend days to do stuff. Beach. Bike training. Whatever else we can think of.

~LM

Not long after my agreement to do both, comes the change via text and then email.

Text message 1 from PEW:

The boys freaked when I said they were getting pu early they said that ur not going anywhere.

Text message 2 from PEW:

Can we do it on a weekend u have something special so I don’t have to be a bad guy?

Email from PEW:

LM,

would you like to try to talk to them about this weekend? I felt really bad because they said they feel like they don’t get to spend enough time with me.

~PEW

It was nice while it lasted. It’s astounding, given how many times I’ve been deliberately put into the position of “bad guy” because she didn’t want to parent, discipline, explain appropriately, etc. because of her. This link explains it pretty well: Why Our Sons Will Struggle with Discipline. It is one of many examples sprinkled throughout this blog. Here she is, incapable of taking advantage of a perfect opportunity to explain to the children that mom and dad are cooperating and put down their clear attempt to manipulate the situation. Again, I will not bail her out.

PEW,

No, not particularly. What I would like is for you to tell them that we’ve made a schedule adjustment, as I have for you in the past and it would be nice to just spend a weekend doing things instead of spending one of the days interrupted by an exchange.

What I won’t do is get into a situation where they’re manipulating the situation into that one of us (whether it is you or me) have some “expectation” that something “special” needs to be done for them… on their terms. An explanation that we’re cooperating with one another for a change is all the reason that they need.

~LM

At this point, I’m not sure that the early pick-up this week is going to happen. Of course, that will be another violation of the custody order and the question becomes, do I point that out and go pick up the children anyway? We know that will only escalate the situation, but I am well within my rights to do just that. Of course, it will be met with the flaming email barrage which will be ignored.

In any event…

LM,

Fine. I’ll talk to them. As for the 20th and 21st, I just need you to take them overnight on the 20th. I’ll be coming home thursday night around 7 or 8ish, so I’ll just have someone watch them till I get home. On Friday morning I’m going to take them to [parent’s vacation home] for the weekend, so just confirm, ok?

I also wanted to talk to you about school supplies. I have lists and I am wondering if you will split the cost with me this year because I am broke, as you know?

~PEW

Aren’t we all? In the same breath that she informs me she is taking off from work to drive several hours for a weekend vacation – she’s telling me to split the school supplies because she’s broke. Did you catch that?

PEW,

I’m confirming everything with one exception. I’ll pick them [up] on Thursday and take them home and feed them and we can arrange to exchange as you get closer to home.

Email me the school supplies list.

~LM

Fine LM. I have the lists at home, I’ll try to remember to bring them tomorrow.

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Game of Contempt Hearing "Chicken" – Ends

Updating the readership…

This morning, I received an early text message from The Psycho Ex-Wife:

PEW: The hearing has been cancelled.

Of course, I don’t reply. This was soon followed by a second text message:

PEW: Don’t make me regret it.

Of course, I didn’t reply. This was soon followed by an email:

PEW: All I’m asking for is some sense of decency between us. I cancelled today because I can’t do this anymore with you. Do what’s best for the boys, that’s all. Whether you want to believe it or not, keeping them for three weeks in a row, as not a good thing for them.

Of course, I didn’t reply.

A sense of decency, she writes. I suppose I was “indecent” because I had custody of the children for three straight weeks, nevermind that it was the result of her being found guilty of contempt-of-court for custodial interference, effectively “stealing” from my holidays with the children last year. This would have been the sixth contempt petition in 2-years from her. All of them have been dismissed. As glad as I am to avoid having to go back to court, I was prepared to pull out all the stops in an effort to get Judge Contempt to impose some serious sanctions against her for this petition and for any furture, unsupportable petitions. Alas, no continuation, she withdrew the petition.

My assumptions regarding why she did this are as follows:

– She thought I would be working from the home office this week, which would have saw me have to drive several hours the night before to attend court. Without such inconvenience to me, it lost it’s effect.

– Had I needed to bail-out on what is the single biggest project at work for which I’m responsible may have put my job in jeopardy. That would have put her bi-weekly stipend at risk.

– (Less likely) She feared getting bonked on the head with a gavel as the JC is really fed up with her antics and seeing us in court so often we were going to be given reserved seating with our names engraved on the chairs. She had no case. The court order was clear.

Onward until the next meltdown…

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Sitting on the Edge of Our Seats

I’m sure you are all wondering what is happening with PEW’s latest (false) contempt petition filing, because of course you have nothing else to do. As you may recall, LM got a continuance until January 24th for the original hearing that was scheduled for December 26th. I bet you just realized that that is tomorrow!

Of course we heard from PEW, after she realized that um, yet again, she was dead wrong, that she was going to be the “better” person and withdraw the petition. Of course, she never did, later saying she was keeping the court date since she hadn’t seen “any remorse” from LM. As if.

As it turned out, LM had a very important business event scheduled for Jan 24th, and seeing as how he had been unemployed for 9 months when his previous employer moved across the country, we thought it would be prudent for him to try to KEEP his job. Of course, PEW told the court she wasn’t willing to continue the hearing, surprise! So, yesterday LM was greeted with an e-mail from PEW with an attachment she had just faxed to the court:

“Due to some health issues I am having that need my immediate attention, I intend to withdraw my petition for contempt filed 12/12/07.

I know LM requested a continuance last week, which I subsequently requested that the court deny, but that was before I found out that I needed to tend to this health issue.”

Now, first of all, no way we believe something is actually wrong with her health, though we mightily wish some evil disease would befall her. (Hey, this is the woman who referred to LM as scarface after he had cancer removed under his eye two years ago. She’s a peach.) What we do believe is that she is trying to get out of the hearing with what little self respect she has left, and of course she is DYING for LM to ask what is wrong. As if. I mean, if she is sooo right and he is in contempt, why not just approve the continuance LM requested so she can deal with it after whatever health issue she is having (I’m praying for Locked-in syndrome) is treated? The answer, she’s psycho.

So, the rest of the letter went on to say that she was unable to actually get to the courthouse to file the withdrawal, cuz she’s so *cough*cough* sick, and while I’m not an attorney, I’m pretty sure that means it’s not withdrawn and the conference is still on. We’ll see what happens.

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The Ex Sister-In-Law: "PP" Her Story

PP is the never-married, 40-something sicko sister of the Psycho Ex-Wife. PP has been diagnosed as Bipolar. She has had several stays in a mental health clinic in the late 1990s after a weak attempt at taking her own life. She is an alcoholic. She may even be Borderline herself.

She fancies herself a know-it-all about everything all-the-while having succeeded at nothing. Professionally, she came close – but managed to destroy that and it’s been downhill ever since.

Some of her creepy background:

– She’s been in and out of one disastrous relationship after another. Can’t keep a man around to save her life, because she cuckoo. She’s as much a psycho as her sister.

– Has thrice stolen identities and never been held legally accountable. Stole the identities of her namesakes: her mother and two aunts (who didn’t press charges). She’s also declared backruptcy no fewer than 2-times, wrecked the credit of aforementioned family members, and at our last investigation (2-years ago) had roughly 2-dozen financial judgements against her.

– In one sexual relationship, with a cousin (how close a cousin, I can’t recall) – she became so obsessed with him that she began to stalk him. Dozens of phone calls per day. Sitting outside of his house and workplace. In one extremely bizarre situation – she claimed to have been pregnant with his child in an effort to “win him back,” but chose instead to have an abortion. That abortion never actually happened. She just made it all up and really played it to the hilt, trying to drag who would become an ex-roommate into the ploy, insisting that this girl took her to have it. When people tried to check out the story, the roommate wanted nothing to do with anything and cut all ties with anyone associated PP.

– Once had a nice job that paid extremely well – a “Regional Director” of a well-known computer and electronics retailing company. That much is true. She really had the leadership position over a significant quadrant of the United States. After rising high in the company to this position, she was caught embezzling from the company and stealing from customers and was given a choice – be arrested or resign. She quit. The best she has been able to do since then (about 10-years ago) was waitress, but was fired from many of those jobs for being drunk on the job. She is now allegedly a paralegal – but I doubt that highly.

– Was allegedly the recipient of a sexual proposal by PEW’s first husband, which ultimately led to the end of that marriage. Now, however, I don’t believe it. I’ve actually tracked the first ex-husband down, but haven’t had the guts to pick up the phone and call. He was also allegedly a raging alcoholic, but given the level of projection I’ve dealt with from PEW, I’d be willing to bet that there is a fantastically different version of events from his side. Should I call him? Tell me what you think with a comment. That could be fun or be a complete bust.

– Has vacillated between 120-pounds and somewhere at the high-end of 200s before having her first of two gastric bypasses in the late 90s or early 2000s. Still in the marriage at that point, I remember imploring her that she was going to die because she chose to put away cheesesteaks at a rate that a professional eater would envy. She figured, with the bypass, she could continue to eat like she was eating (a binge eater) and expect the weight to stay off. Instead, she fucked up the surgical results which saw her return to the hospital to have it corrected.

– She’s a drunk, in case I didn’t already cover that.

She’d be drunk at work. Binge drink. Drink and drive. One time, the one side of her car was so fucked up that both right side rims were bent beyond repair. I confronted her about what the hell happened. She couldn’t remember. Really, she couldn’t. The night before, apparently, she went to a bar. Sometime between the time she was in the bar and that damage occurred – she blacked out. For all I know, she may have killed someone. At least once cited for public drunkenness.

– Her and PEW would have EPIC fights. I only wish I had recorded some of the voicemails left at my home for PEW, which sounded as if they were left by Satan himself… at least – that’s what I imagine Satan sounds like. These two fucking idiots would argue over who had a worse life and who wanted to commit suicide more times.

– Her current living arrangements are bouncing from relative’s house to house – including PEWs (which drives me bonkers but there is nothing I can do about that right now), her parents, and an aunt or two – the alcoholic ones.

– Ah yes… and an expert on everything and has now taken up her sister’s cause. As an alleged paralegal for a family law firm, her advice to PEW has been treated as expert and sound. PEW has lost pretty darn near every case brought before the court in the last 18-months as a result. I hope she keeps advising her.

Which brings me to one of her emails sent to me from PEW’s account prior to the contempt hearing. Everyone ready? She joined the fray during the Christmas 2006 debacle and here is her contribution to the issue:

12/23/2006, 1:46AM, written by PP (a.k.a. The Psycho Ex-SIL)

LM,

It’s PP. I showed the court order to the family law attorneys at the firm I work at and they said that the judge was not clear in regards to exchanges for holidays. You and PEW can both have any interpretation that you want but I can assure you that if you go back to court for “clarification”-since YOU were the one to move out of state and continually lied to the judge, over and over again, it will go against you.

PEW will NOT be at the [exchange point] on Sunday and you can show up at her door with the police if you want but there is nothing in the court order saying the police can do anything to her in any way. If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at your lawyer for not having the sense to ask the judge to spell it out PEW’s not keeping you from the boys, she just isn’t driving on a “holiday”-she is perfectly fine with driving her next scheduled turn. You can try to jam your OPINION down her throat like it’s law, as usual, but it still doesn’t make it TRUE. If I recall, several weeks ago she went out of her way to drive to be nice, when it wasn’t her turn, and this is how you repay her, as usual.

If these matters go back to court, we will bring up how you were non-compliant several weeks ago and made the boys drive HOURS longer than they had to just to spite PEW when you were in [paternal grandmother’s state]. THAT IS crystal clear in the court order. Also, your insistence in moving S6 from a loving, caregiver-again, just to mess with PEW, when it’s CLEARLY in S6’s best interests to stay with [neighbor], will go against you badly-and just wind up costing you more money. We’ll also bring up how S9 works himself into a state of such anxiety when he’s going to your home for the weekend that we don’t know what to do for him. 48hrs of being weighed, measured and harassed continually about his weight sure sounds like a good time for an 8year old. Maybe if you’d just shut up about it, it would work itself out.

I know you feel like you had some kind of victory in court but the judge gave you the absolute MINIMUM she had to in every way. If your lawyer is telling you that you have any grounds on any of the above situations, I suggest that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about and she just wants to continue to bleed you financially even though you have a losing case. Stop harassing my sister because we are not going to deal with your crap for the next 13yrs until S6 reaches 18. If you thought [PEW’s attorney] made a fool of you and DW in court the last time, trust me, we will get somebody even tougher for the next round if you INSIST on continuing the nit-picking and harassment of my sister in this manner. This is the reason you two divorced, remember?

You are a disgrace as a father or you never would have moved to [home state] in the first place. All of your bull**** is your attempts to salve your own conscience about that decision. Let the boys get on with their lives, would you? In the least traumatic way possible at this point? You NEVER put the boys interests/feelings/concerns first-just what YOU think is best for them. Truly, I’m starting to think you are severely unbalanced based on the continual hounding of PEW via phone calls, emails, name-calling etc. I mean, I always thought you were unbalanced but I think you are so bitter over the divorce you have pushed yourself over the edge trying to make PEW PAY for leaving you and taking your SONS. Pull yourself together, DW. There is nothing more pathetic than a desperate man grasping at straws. It’s really very, very sad. I better not hear that DW is harassing my sister ever again or she’ll be in court for defamation of character, harassment etc.

You’re right, we’re done communicating about this. If you really want to see your sons for this visit, you better let PEW know when you’ll be HERE to pick them up.

Merry Christmas. PP

Our commentary:

I cannot begin to convey the level of projection in this email. Obviously, you think you only have my side of the story. You have hers, too. Just keep reading. The email above accuses me of doing/being everything that PEW is and does. It’s not just a “reasonably close” description – it’s dead on. Dead. On. Dead on. Two of the biggest points of projection are:

– The Custody Hearings of October 2006 were a rousing success for me. When I tell you that I got everything for which I had petitioned except primary custody – I’m not lying. She fought every point on my petition. Granted, primary custody was a big one, but a whole bunch of important issues were addressed – all of them in my favor.

– Her attorney made a fool out of no one. I kept calling him by his first name instead of “Mr. Attorney” and he lost his temper asking the judge to yell at me. (Believe it or not, it was not intentional.) And DW, who has extensive litigation experience, was rock solid on the stand. Uncrackable. And DW frustrated her attorney at every turn. That’s not an exaggeration.

This is what her family does – bully, belittle, project, threaten, blowhard, blowhard, blowharder.

The beauty of this email is that it was one of my exhibits and the judge has another one of her sarcastic moments towards PEW with it…

More Highlights from the Contempt Hearing of March 2007:

JUDGE: PP writes in this email packet an email to your ex, and it’s really — it says, “LM, it’s PP. I showed the court order to the family law attorneys at the firm I work at.” —What does PP do for the law firm?

PEW: She’s a paralegal.

JUDGE: Right. And this is an email that PP sent on your address, your email address, to LM on Saturday, December 23rd in the afternoon. Oh, I’m sorry, 1:46AM, so it was like Friday night, late Friday night. So she had talked about this case with the family law attorneys in her firm, is what that email says. PP then talked to you about what the family lawyers said, didn’t she?

PEW: You know what? PP lies a lot. I don’t know if she actually spoke to — I think she was trying to call LM’s bluff or something. I don’t know why she does the things that she does. But, I don’t really want to speculate on that. I didn’t ask her about —

JUDGE: You’re saying that PP didn’t talk to you about what to do if you’re not taking children that you’re supposed to take for a custody exchange, how to not be in contempt? She didn’t tell you anything about that?

PEW: I — yeah, I know what it means to be in contempt. I think it means that if I willfully, maliciously violated the court order, then I should be held in contempt. But that’s not what happened!

Our commentary: How about JC mocking PP’s advice (and lack thereof) to PEW, right there in the record? Again, I know the text doesn’t convey JC’s “‘tude” – but it was out there in all of it’s glory. A 60-something, 30+ year veteran of family court affairs, stopping only just short calling her a flat-out liar. She’s wearing her disdain for PEW right out there on her sleeve

Judge Contempt has PEW, and pretty much the rest of the dysfunctional fucktards that are her family, pegged. That’s good for me.

Buy enough t-shirts and I’ll spring for the transcript of the hearing in August of 2007 where PEW, again pro-se – takes Judge Contempt on mano-y-mano after filing a petition to have her recuse herself from the case! I’ll just make that complete clusterfuck a post in and of itself – no commentary from us. Frankly, as I sit here recalling that hearing, I know that there is nothing I can say that will do it any more justice than JC’s own words will.

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Psycho Ex-Wife, Esquire – Contempt Hearing Highlights

PEW has taken on the role of attorney because she knows better than those in the legal profession how to handle stuff like our debacle. She knows better than the two seasoned veterans of Family Litigation she hired and subsequently fired. They “weren’t doing a good enough job” for her and that’s why she has been slowly losing her perceived grip on the situation(s). Yeah, that’s it. The more she acts on her own behalf, the more she fucks up, the more the people now “in charge” of our lives become aware of just the kind of terrorist we’re dealing with.

I never get to cross-examine PEW. The JC questions me, PEW questions me, and then JC questions PEW. By the time she is finished hearing all of the bullshit, she won’t even allow me to cross-examine PEW on her testimony. That’s just how convinced the Judge was that I was correct and PEW was found guilty of contempt on the issues I brought before her. She went straight to her ruling. It was a sight to behold, watching PEW break out the always popular last-ditch-effort the tears! If I didn’t think I’d be admonished by JC, I would have laughed out loud as she does it every single time she loses something, which has been a lot lately.

PEW: With regard to Christmas, did I not tell you that I was ill at any point?
LM: I believe probably Christmas Eve you told me you were ill.
JUDGE: Okay! Wait a minute. Wait a minute. The emails I have starting, let’s see, December 22nd through the 24th — on the 22nd it starts, “I’m not taking them to the exchange point.” And there’s nothing about sick then, is there?
PEW: Your Honor, I don’t recall exactly when I told him I was ill, but I have brought a doctor’s note, and I bought a letter from my employer.
JUDGE: I’m not sure I buy that. But we’ll see. Because the tone of these letters isn’t “I’m sick, I can’t come.” The tone of these letters is “Forget it guy. I’m not coming!” So, you sit down you ask your question. That one so far is not flying, but go ahead.

Our commentary: This is the very first question PEW, Esquire asks – and JC jumps all over her ass. Keep in mind, by the time PEW, Esquire is permitted to cross-examine me, JC has already asked me my version of events and I’ve submitted a well-organized, highlighted packet of email exchanges that supports the entire timeline of events leading up to Christmas. The text above probably doesn’t do it justice because you can’t “feel” the tone of JC – but she is direct, firm, and sarcastic when she wants to be. She pulls no punches in calling you out when you fuck up. Here’s a tip, PEW – it’s best to remember exactly when you said you were ill when you are using that as your excuse for failing to show up. Dumbass.

For the next excerpt, I wish that there was a video camera permitted in the courtroom and I could offer you a youtube link to JC reading the contents of one of the damning emails from PEW, Esquire:

PEW: With regard to Christmas, did I not beg you to come pick them up, saying that I was ill?
LM: I don’t recall you begging me to come pick them up. I recall you telling me that you were sick and couldn’t drive out there. It was at the last minute. I had plans for the evening. I believe I told you that I didn’t believe you were sick. And, in fact, if it pleases the court, I still have the voice mail from Christmas Eve and you don’t sound sick. You don’t say you’re sick. You say, “If your not coming to pick them up here, I’m going to my mother’s for Christmas,” and I believe you did go to your mother’s for Christmas.
JUDGE: Wait! Let me read this.
PEW: Oh, okay.
JUDGE: December 22nd at 14:59:59, from PEW:

“Go ahead. You’re going to look like an asshole. I’ll meet you next time per the court order. I’m not meeting you on Christmas Eve. That would be so like you to ruin the children’s Christmas. It’s a holiday. I have plans. I’m not meeting you at the exchange point because that’s not what the order says. I will be at my home till 7PM on Christmas Eve. If you’re not there by then, I’ll assume you’re not coming and I’ll take the boys with me. I’m not interfering with your custody. I offered to let you pick them up a day or two early, since you want such meaningful time. You’re so pathetic.”
JUDGE: Okay. Go ahead.

Our commentary: Any person with a shred of intelligence and dignity would have looked at the judge and conceded right there. Cuff me. Jail me. I am in contempt. I am so busted and I have no way out of this. Not PEW, Esquire, though – she is in court, playing attorney and she bulls on through the cross-examination seemingly unfazed.

It’s hard to describe just how flat-out sarcastic and condemning JC was being by reading that and the tone in which it was read. The Judge slapped her across the face and then in the same motion backhanded her – and it totally went right over PEW, Esquire’s head. After all, she had her question list to get through!

Another tip: PEW, when I start going off on a tangent and giving testimony that is incredibly damning to you, try objecting to stop me. Don’t just stand there dumbfounded as I go off on a soliloquy which strongly shows JC what’s at work here.

More to come. Check the categories in the sidebar for more updates. “Transcript Highlights.”

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Christmas 2007 – Part III: Final Fallout

After being granted my continuance on December 14th, the crazy email barrage again started with renewed vigor.

December 16th, 2007, 10:17PM:

LM,

I am upset about this situation with Christmas. I wasn’t trying to ruin your Christmas last year, I even offered for you to have the boys the day before Christmas. Regardless of saying that I didn’t think it was fair for me to have to drive them out to [Exchange Point] on Christmas eve I wound up getting very sick. I’ve never kept them from you….you did get them on the 27th last year and I even offered to bring them out on the 26th. I didn’t fight this 50/50 arrangement because I know they need their Dad. This is so wrong, not just for me but for them. The summer was the same thing….I’ve never done anything like that to you, what you pulled after I came and spent the weekend down there was terrible. You are totally breaking my heart. I am so distraught, I can’t bear the thought of not seeing them for three weeks straight and not a day during the Christmas season. I do believe the order said that the “Christmas holiday” was your this year but not the whole week….she never uttered those words. She didn’t say “Christmas Break” or “Christmas Week”, she said the holiday, which is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I’ve been praying everyday that you somehow move past the hatred you have for me and do the right thing. Why are you doing this? I AM their mother remember……I know you wish you could change that but you can’t and they love me very much. Please please do the right thing. I am just sick about this. You have been so cruel and I don’t understand it at all.

~PEW

Our commentary:
This is followed by a series of short, nonsensical emails telling me that she has proof of how “wrong” I am about the holiday custody arrangement and that she has proof. Dumbass doesn’t (or won’t) realize that my position is lock-solid supported by all of the documentation. However, since that doesn’t meet with her warped reality – it might as well not exist.

She sends me copies of the Contempt Order from March and the copy of the Custody Order from November. Both obviously support my position. The order from November refers to the terms of my petition which are entered as “the order.” It is quite clear. When she goes home on the 20th of December, she digs out her copy of the petition and makes the astounding discovery that she is completely wrong! LET THE CRAZY-MAKING BEGIN! (We respond to none of what follows.)

12/20/07, 7:55PM:

Well LM, I got home, I reviewed the petition/proposal that you filed in September. It appears, as usual that I overlooked the fine details…I’m sure you’ve looked at the transcript from the Nov 2nd hearing by now and realize that she asked me if I agreed with everything else but the two items I brought up and I said “yes” Of course when I originally reviewed everything, I was focused the driving issue and overlooked Christmas that you put in there that you would have the kids the entire week of Christmas. You always “beat me” on the technicalities but that won’t happen in the future, I assure you. I’m sure your “Legal Eagle” DW, has been telling you that you have me beat……but that’s because she’s not truly “A Mother”…..if she was she would never think this was a “great” idea. I’m going to withdraw my petition because I’m the “better” person…..and EVERYONE knows that. My family knows, your family knows, our old friends know, my friends know, my company knows, the school knows…..but most importantly YOU know that I’m a WAY nicer person than your girlfriend and you’re upset that I divorce YOU. I can’t compete with someone who is as manipulative and intelligent as you (and your girlfriend) who is apparently the gonads behind this whole thing because I happen to know that you are not this MEAN……and that’s exactly what this is…manipulation…..deceit….payback….whatever it is…it’s wrong and it sucks for me that I’m not as SMART as you and your girlfriend. Worst of ALL..it sucks for S9 and S6….they love being here..they love the fun we have together, just like you used to LOVE spending time with me….because when I’m with them I AM the person you fell in love with……because they LOVE me back. Let me give you some advice though….this Judge…is starting to see your true colors…read between the lines. Read what she is saying to you on November 2nd and in that contempt hearing…..she’s not just sick of me….she’s kinda sick of you too. Do what you feel you must with Christmas…..I will live through this just like ALL of the other atrocities that you’ve inflicted on me over the past 4 years….will it EVER stop?

~PEW

Our commentary: She is withdrawing this petition because she knows that if she sets foot in that court in front of Judge Contempt again – with this complete and utter bullshit – the consequences could be quite severe. When things turn in my favor – it’s because I’m “manipulative and evil and DW is my gonad-set and running the whole show.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Reality is – PEW gives me pretty much everything I need on a silver platter to use against her while avoiding, at all costs, anything that could put me at odds with the court. Oh, make no mistake, DW is one smart cookie and has assisted every step of the way – but DW doesn’t give me the evidence. DW doesn’t file all of the petitions which, during testimony, I turn around on her. She’s her own worst enemy and for that – I am thankful.

DW is the same person she tried desperately to get all “buddy-buddy” with, attempting to convince her that I was the spawn of satan and that she would soon see my “true colors.” When that doesn’t work – demonize!

Followed at 8:39PM by:

LM,

against my better judgement…I’m also going to say that I think that DW calls the shots..I have a really really really hard time believing that you are THIS mean. We spent some really good good times…..especially during the holidays. You and I had some good times at this time of year and I won’t ever forget that….remember the time I made you and MCB sing the SOUND of MUSIC?? that was right before I found out we were pregnant with S9. And we made love many times by the light of the Christmas tree…..particularly one time I remember when you asked me to marry you…by tie fire up the mountains……….LM…..remember the good not the bad…..our boys want to see their mommy during Christmas….

~PEW

Our commentary: Oh holy shit. Now, you will see some e-mails later on, but PEW has been trying to get LM back for 4 years now, only he could never see it. This psycho would actually ask him to move back in with him several times per year, and he couldn’t see it, thinking it was just about money, HA. As he read this, he looked over his shoulder and said, “sign into my e-mail account, and ah, yea, you are right.” LMFAO. I died when I read this, I mean seriously, I could not stop laughing for 2 fucking hours. This whore has tried to convince everyone she meets that LM is a sociopath that abused her for ten years, and yet here she is reminding him of how they made love? She is one fucked-up cookie.

Followed at 9:11PM by:

LM – in summary…………I know who calls the shots..and it’s NOT YOU. sad…~PEW

Followed at 9:23PM by:

LM – I got it…..worry more about squaring youself with not letting the mother of your children see them because it bothers your girlfriend.

~PEW

Followed at 9:41PM by:

LM, also, by the by the boys tell me that DW’s not so nice when “daddy’s” not around…what’s that all about??? a little resentment that’s what I’m thinking?? how about…….how insecure can you get after four fricken years….???? you need tp start thinking of ourboys particularly S9 in light of the trouble he’s been having since youu came to town????0 how long do you think your NON communication thing is going to fly with the teachers….this every other week has sucked….because your girlfriend doesn’t want it to work??? Get a set of your own and be a father……Regards. PEW

P.S. I know you wont respond because DW won’t allow it….because she’s a warped individual…I can’t help who you fall in love with.

Our commentary: Holy shit! Look at how the truly Psycho Ex-Wife operates. Demeaning, insulting behavior. A gross inability to accept responsibility for her actions. An innate ability to rewrite history, to create a new reality out of fiction that she actually believes! See back when LM only had weekend visits the boys had problems because he wasn’t around, oh, but now they have problems because he IS around. We have lots of these examples where she gets to argue both sides of an issue, it’s a win-win for her, where someone else always gets the blame

My guess is that she’s probably gone back to hitting the bottle pretty hard. Have another drink, you pig. Of course, these emails are not so different from others sent from work or other places where she would be hard-pressed to get away with being drunk. Sadly, rather than face and accept the reality of all that she has done and the consequences for her actions, the coping mechanism is to lash out, insult, demean – just like a bully to prop themselves up to make their sad, pathetic life more meaningful and reaffirm just how important they think they are.

Reality is dangerous to the BPD. Reality would mean she would have to lay there, in the dark, alone, and say to herself – “what the fuck is wrong with me?”

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Christmas 2007 – Part II: I’m in Contempt of the Future

PEW decides to sue me again. Here is the contents of her petition which would appear, at first glance, to have been written by an 8-year old. It wasn’t – she wrote it.

– On November 2, 2007 the Petitioner and Respondent entered into a joint custody arrangement as follows. The children are to spend alternate weeks with each parent, one week with mother, one week with father. The holidays are to be shared equally alternating years with the exception of Christmas of 2007, which is to be spent with father due to mother’s failure to exchange the children on Christmas Eve in [Exchange Point] in 2006. (I am not sure of the exact wording because I don’t have a copy)

– It has come to the Petitioner’s attention via email that the Respondent has decided to keep the children from December 16th, 2007 through January 6, 2007. The Respondent states that “In accordance with the court order, this year, I get the entire week with the boys, December 23rd through December 30th” A copy of this email is attached.

– The children have already been told that they “will not see Mommy for three weeks”.

It is the opinion of the Petitioner that it was not the Court’s intention to take away a whole week’s custody time from the Mother. The Petitioner does not believe that it was the Court’s intention for the children “not” to see their mother for a period of three weeks. The Petitioner does not believe that it is fair that she not have any custody time with her children on her regularly scheduled custody week of Dec. 23. through Dec. 30th. The Petitioner requests that the Honorable Court sets the parties right on the Court’s intentions for the holidays. The Petitioner feels that it is very important for the children to spend some time with their mother and maternal family during the week of Christmas. The Petitioner is requesting an Emergency Hearing so that she does not miss all of the holidays with the children.

This is the 12th day of December 2007.
—————————————-
Can you almost see her jumping up and down, fists clenched, tears running down her face as she cries to “mommy” IT’S NOT FAIR!!!

I can’t stand her use of the word “mommy” and the way she infantilizes our children. In future posts, we’ll detail why this happens – but it would disgust any reasonable human being that her (and her family) still talk in “babytalk” to the children, refers to herself as “mommy” and not mom or mother or something a little more advanced in development than a 2-year old, and use of that sickeningly sweet high-pitched squeal when speaking excitedly to the children.

At the same time, you’ll notice her ongoing contempt for JC and the court. The ethereal PEW, master of everyone and everything, has now called the court before her to explain the court’s intention.

What sucks about Family Court (besides everything) is that you can get a hearing for anything, even the tripe above. No one reviews petitions for merit. Like a meat processing plant, every petition is granted a hearing unless some provision in prior orders requires judicial review. This was no exception – a hearing is set by some clerk for December 26th, 2007 – the day after Christmas.

I immediately call Domestic Relations and the nightmare is confirmed. Worse than that, it’s schedule in front of a new judge – a double-whammy, as it gives PEW a new person to whom to spin her fabricated tale of woe. If I can’t do something to eliminate or continue this hearing, this will mean leaving my family on Christmas Day to stay overnight at the Work Residence in PEW’s state to attend a hearing the next morning. If that happens, she will have succeeded in ruining another in a long line of celebratory events dating back more than a decade.

I manage to track down the phone and fax numbers to the New Judge’s chambers and fire off the following request for a continuance of the hearing:

December 13th, 2007
Dear Honorable New Judge,

It is with great embarrassment I must write and make a request of you for either a denial of hearing or a continuance of hearing.

Sparing you as much detail as is reasonable, I have been suffering a serious abuse of the legal system by my ex-spouse, PEW, and this hearing is no different from many past. We are currently scheduled for a hearing on December 26th, 2007.

In March of 2007, PEW was found in contempt of court by Honorable Judge Contempt for custodial interference during my scheduled Christmas and Winter Break of 2006 and a failure to comply with other aspects of a custody order entered in October of 2006. One of the sanctions was that I was awarded Christmas week of 2007, specifically December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007. Further, at a custody modification hearing held on October 17th, 2007, an agreement and order was entered by the Honorable Judge Contempt which included a reinforcement of that earlier order.

Over the course of the last 2 years or so, I’ve had to endure no fewer than 5 false contempt petitions filed by PEW – all of which were summarily dismissed as being completely invalid. This latest petition on the part of PEW, after having numerous times responded affirmatively to Honorable Judge Contempt’s asking her if she understood and accepted the order, is another case of legal abuse and a clear attempt on the part of PEW to undermine my time with the children after withholding them from me this time last year. I have travel plans with my children this holiday season that will have to be sacrificed in order to attend this unjustified and malicious petition by PEW. I am scheduled to be out of town.

It is with great respect that I ask you to please deny her motion for a hearing or at least grant a continuance so that our holiday plans will not be ruined again. The order after the contempt hearing in March was clear. Honorable Judge Contempt’s order of October 17th, 2007 is clear. With regard to the Christmas Holiday this year, I am to have my children between December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007. Beyond that, our normal week-on and week-off schedule is to remain in force.

Sincerely,
LM
———–
The next day, I get two calls from the Judge’s chambers. Not only has my request for a continuance been granted, but the new judge had the hearing placed with Judge Contempt on January 24th, 2008.

Vindicated again.

A little part of me believes that the new judge went to Judge Contempt and asked what the situation was. Despite how busy Family Court can be, Judge Contempt is fed up with how well she knows us. I’d like to believe that when she saw that petition – she hit the roof and made sure that the case was both continued and placed before her.

I’m certainly not telling PEW. In fact, I was hoping that she got the notification so late that she would show up at court on the 26th only to find out there was no hearing. I probably wasn’t so lucky as I haven’t had a rage email regarding this.

With our next post – we’ll wrap everything up with a conclusion detailing the fallout over this. It’s as bizarre, if not more so, than what you’ve read so far.

Know this – we’ve had an amazing Christmas Holiday here. All of the kids together, no court hearing, and a wonderful time had by all! We hope yours was as great as ours has been.

More to come… Part III

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Christmas 2007 – Part I: Trying to Destroy the Holidays Again

If you read November 2, 2007 – Thanksgiving Comes Early, you’ll see the details of the current order that resulted from that hearing. For this post, it’s the provision that reaffirms the Judge’s order from the Contempt Hearing in March 2007 regarding the Christmas holiday this year.

When dealing with someone who has or may have Borderline Personality Disorder, your protection is in the details. If you’re dealing with a BPD person, never forget that lesson. The more specificity you can get into an order, the less exploitation of vague provisions in the order can be done in an attempt to drive you frigging insane!

In this case, I was smart enough to specify the dates for which my Christmas 2007 is to be – December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007. That is the whole of Christmas Holiday and winter break, which was what I was entitled to in 2006.

In true PEW fashion, her sick, twisted mind simply blanks out those parts of history that do not meet with her approval. It doesn’t matter on whose authority they originated, be it a doctor, a lawyer, or… A JUDGE. Time and time again she almost pathologically sets out to cause chaos. She has absolutely nothing better to do with her life.

On 12/11/2007 comes the first sign of trouble via email from PEW:

LM,

I’m trying to figure out the holidays…..I’m assuming you’ll drop them off on the 23rd…pick up again on christmas eve, bring back on Christmas day? Can you let me know.

PEW

Our commentary: Are you fucking kidding me? It’s only been 39 frigging days and it’s as if nothing happened before her email that would have prevented her from sending it. This is the kind of bizarre, indescribable bullshit we’ve had to deal with for the last 3-years, and what I had dealt with for 9-years prior to that. It’s the incessant, compulsive desire for my attention. My one and only response:

PEW,

In accordance with the court order, this year, I get the entire week with the boys, December 23rd through December 30th.

~LM

This is subsequently followed by a barrage of escalating emails from PEW to which I do not respond:

LM,

You cannot have them three weeks in a row. That is bullshit, we weren’t operating on this arrangement then. You had the whole summer and then moved up here too. If that’s your position, I’ll be filing a petition…..and I’ll be filing a modification of the child support too since I let you get away with $200/month. You’re a bastard.

PEW

Followed by:

LM,

when were you planning on returning them? I want them on Sunday the 23rd.

PEW

Followed by:

LM,

It would make sense for you to get the days you missed from the 24th to the 27th, but not the whole week??? That is not the intention of the make up time form last year. I am sick to my stomach that you are going to do this to them. I am filing tomorrow in the hopes that they will get us in before Christmas.

PEW

Followed by:

LM,

I don’t have a copy of the new court order. What does it say with regard to the holiday? I am so upset right now. You don’t get the entire winter break….you get the Christmas holiday. What kind of person would do something like this? You’ll have them for a full week and then I should get them back on the 27th at the very least because that is when you got them last year. It’s hopeless to even talk to you….you are an evil person………I can’t believe this.

PEW

Followed by:

LM,

I’m filing this as an emergency. Do you have a fax # the court can send notice of hearing to?

PEW
—————-
Our commentary: Yes, she filed an emergency contempt petition. Here is just how much of an imbicile she is:

What am I in contempt of? I’m following what is the court’s order to the letter. Even if I was in contempt of something, if it hasn’t happened yet, how would I be in contempt of the order? If I was withholding some holiday custodial time from her, how in the hell did I manage to do it on December 12th, before the holidays have happened? How about the unmitigated gall of asking me to volunteer my private fax number so that I can expedite being served again for her convenience. Can you say unlimited sense of entitlement?

A hearing is scheduled, believe it or not, for December 26th. I’m pissed.

More to come… Part II

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November 2nd, 2007 – Thanksgiving Comes Early

Prior to November 2, 2007 – I was the “non-custodial parent” and had my children about 1/3 of the year. Every other weekend during the school year + extra time (holidays, spring and winter breaks, teacher in-service days, etc.).

November 2nd, 2007 was the latest in a long line of custody hearings during the course of the last 3-years and saw gain even more ground. After being unemployed for the better part of 9-months, I managed to secure a job, but not just any job (as future posts will detail) – a job back in my original state, which gave me the opportunity to get 50/50 custody of my children.

She had actually filed what I believe was her 6th-contempt petition against me in addition to a petition to modify custody to award her sole physical and legal custody. When I got my new job and secured housing in the state where the children reside, I exercised a clause that Judge Contempt entered into the custody order of October 13th, 2006, which read something like “…should father obtain employment and establish a residence in the state where the children primarily reside, he shall be granted 50/50 custody after a short hearing.”

I secured employment on September 4th, 2007. I secured a nice cottage house on October 6th, 2007 – only one week before my deadline. You cannot begin to imagine the series of events which had to happen to enable this dream to come true – and that they did was equally unimaginable. November 2nd, 2007 was that short hearing. I filed my counter-modification for custody on September 7th, 2007.

It was a fairly uneventful hearing. With exception of 2 provisions in my petition (items 4 and 8 – she didn’t like being ordered to meet halfway), PEW actually agreed to all of the rest of my terms. The entirety of my petition was as follows:

The Petitioner respectfully requests that the Honorable Court modify the existing Order of Court as follows:

1 – Legal Custody: Father and Mother shall have joint legal custody.

2 – Physical Custody: Father and Mother shall have joint physical custody. The schedule shall be alternating weeks, with exchanges taking place on Sundays, commencing with Father’s first available custodial week commencing after entry of this order or move-in date for the reserved [Work State] residence, whichever is later.

3 – Vacations: Vacation plans must be made by either party during their custodial time and may not interfere with the other parent’s custodial time. If vacation is to be taken, each party must provide the other a minimum of 15-days notice as to their vacations dates, locations & addresses,, and contact phone numbers.

4 – Custody Exchanges: Custody exchanges will take place at a mutually agreed upon location to be provided to the court in writing by both parties within 48-hours of this order. Exchange time shall be between 3:00PM and 4:00PM. Should father elect to spend custodial time with the children at their [Home State] home, the custody exchange shall take place at the [Exchange Point]. on Sundays, between 4:00PM and 5:00PM, unless Father is returning to his [Work State] residence, in which case, the exchange shall take place at the agreed-upon exchange point.

5 – Holidays, Special Occasions: Physical Custody of the children shall be shared by the parties according to the following schedule which takes priority over regularly scheduled periods of custody:

Thanksgiving to include the entire weekend of Thanksgiving. Father shall have custody in odd years and Mother shall have custody in even years.

Christmas to include December 24th through December 26th, Father shall have custody during even years and Mother shall have custody in odd years with the following exception: Pursuant to the contempt order entered by Honorable JC in March of 2007, Father was awarded the holiday of Christmas 2007 for the full week from December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007. Beginning in 2008, the aforementioned holiday schedule will resume.

New Year’s Holiday to include December 31st, through January 1st. Father shall have custody in odd years and Mother shall have custody in even years.

Easter Holiday shall be in accordance with the school calendar. Father shall have custody in odd years and Mother shall have custody in even years.

6 – Phone Communication with the Children: Each party shall have reasonable telephone access to the children at reasonable hours when they are in the custody of the other parent.

7 – Childcare: During the school year, the children are to be enrolled in aftercare associated with the school they attend preferably. If not, another licensed daycare facility is permitted as agreed upon in writing by both parties. During the summer period, the children are to be enrolled in a licensed daycare facility, summer camp, or certified nanny as agreed upon in writing by both parties.

Right of First Refusal – In the event that either parent cannot make themselves available to care for the children during their custody period for reasons which may include, but are not limited to; work travel, family illness, school holiday without work holiday, family emergency – the other parent will have first right of refusal to care for the children prior to any other arrangements being made. If the other parent is unable to care for the children under such circumstances, the custodial parent may make other suitable arrangements. Both the offer and acceptance/refusal must be made in writing.

8 – Child Custody Changes (Relocation): Should father lose employment and housing in the area where the mother resides with Mother at any time, all provisions set forth in the prior custody order dated October 13th, 2006 shall return to full effect if such termination affects his ability to remain a resident of [Work State] and financial circumstances necessitate a return to the [Home State] residence.

9 – Extracurricular Activities: Each party may sign up the children for sports teams or other extracurricular activities that take place during that parent’s custody time so long as that activity doesn’t require the children’s or child’s participation during the other parent’s custody time absent the other parent’s written agreement.

10 – Decision-Making: With regard to any emergency decisions that must be made, the parent with whom the children are in custody at the time shall be permitted to make the decision necessitated by the emergency without consulting the other party in advance. However, the parent making such a decision shall notify the other party of the emergency and consult with him/her as soon as possible. Day-to-day decisions of a routine nature will be the responsibility of the parent having physical custody at the time.

11 – Changes: All provisions of this agreement may be altered with prior WRITTEN agreement between both parties. If a deviation is agreed to by both parties, it may not be revoked or changed without subsequent written agreement by both parties. Written agreements may be accomplished via email, fax, or through other documented media.

The orders of January 11, 2005, August 28th, 2006, and October 13th, 2006 shall remain in full force and effect except as modified herein.

The Petitioner does pray and request that the Honorable Court will grant the Modification as stated herein on an Emergent Status. The reason for the request for emergent status is to allow the Petitioner to expedite the final plans for living arrangements suitable for the family and to permit the father the custody time to which he is entitled and fervently desires as quickly as possible.

Respectfully Submitted,
LM
————————
On item 4, the judge made me responsible for the full trip should I take them to my home in my home state (about 4-hours away) since I now have a residence and will usually be coming back to PEW’s home state.

The judge revised item 8 to exclude everything and call for a hearing because “many other circumstances may have changed as well and I would want to review the issues that may exist at that time.”

Neither wholly unreasonable. I got my 50/50 and that was all that truly mattered at that point. When asked on no fewer than 3 occasions by JC if she read and understood all provisions of the petition that were about to be entered as her order with the aforementioned changes, PEW answered, “yes.”

She’ll conveniently forget all of these details when she files her next contempt petition in an effort to destroy another holiday – Christmas 2007 – less than 45-days later… I’m in Contempt of the Future

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