No delusion she had was ever as severe as her honest belief that everything we did or had – was because of her. She’ll even claim to have given up a “lucrative career” (as an assistant to a production manager) to further my career and education. It’s baffling.
March 11th, 2004 – we engage in some more inane, dead-end discussion about paper filing, settling things, etc. I was pissed-off and we had an argument the previous evening, despite having a million toys & other rewards to give the children when they earned something – she chose to go into a box of my collectible toys and give S1 a tractor trailer out of a complete collection of racing items. They were all moderately old and in their original packaging. Now, the collection was no longer complete.
There is no question it was deliberate given that we were on the path of divorce. She was sending a message to me that nothing that was “mine” would be safe any longer. So, we argued for a short period about it, and then I subsequently moved anything of mine that I had which had any meaning or value to me off-site, to a brother’s basement. Wisely, I also wrote up a short, but detailed accounting of everything removed for my own future protection.
PEW: are you still going to come home early for me
LM: Yes. Just because I was mad about that… Doesn’t mean I’m going to be inconsiderate.
PEW: ok
LM: I’ll be home by 3:35
PEW: ok. your words were “bear down”, so I wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean
LM: Nothing. Sorry. I was mad. I just want to get this done.
PEW: me too
LM: Yeah, so I won’t go out of my way to piss you off if you give me the same courtesy. Actually, that doesn’t even matter. You do what you must.
PEW: i wasn’t trying to piss you off. i took a toy truck
Yes, I know, you just forgot the discussion centered around, “you can give them whatever you want out of the rewards box, just please don’t mess with any of my collectibles.” Got it.
LM: I still won’t go out of my way to piss you off.
PEW: you got a million of them
LM: Yeah, ok. No problem. I’ll make sure that there are 1,000 more things available for rewards.
PEW: ok. when are you seeing your lawyer
LM: Dunno. In court today. I’ll call him in the morning. I’m guessing one of your non-working days next week.
PEW: ok. did you read the papers yet?
LM: Yep. Usual and customary stuff.
PEW: pretty much….except for the alimony pendente lite
LM: Yeah? What’s that? I work and pay you? lol
PEW: i don’t know. it’s not important.
Too funny. I knew exactly what it was. I wanted to see if she would explain herself to me. “It’s not important” wasn’t what I was expecting.
PEW: S1’s behavior has been awful lately. the crying and stuff
LM: You mean how you’re destitute, can’t afford anything, and I’m responsible for you, your lawyer’s fees, your health insurance? You know what it is.
PEW: yeah.
LM: So what?
PEW: it’s just funny to me……..originally I just wanted to be separated…..you wouldn’t even do that for me. everyday has been a struggle
LM: I love when you say that. “I wouldn’t even do that for you.”
PEW: and, everything you have you have because of me
Correction… everything that is crap-debt I have because of her. Everything else, excepting the children which are a product of both of us, was because of me. Maybe a little more correction – the mortgage that we had, which I paid for, we had because it included her income at the time. That’s not an exaggeration.
Now, that doesn’t really matter because it was never something I hung over her head like she did. I was all about doing for and providing for the family – and how we managed to achieve that wasn’t something over which I kept tabs.
LM: Stop blaming me for things you have full control over.
PEW: and you don’t want to part with anythign
LM: Is that right?
PEW: not even a little tractor trailer. yeah, that’s right and you know it
LM: lol. Okay. You’re right.
PEW: i know i am
LM: ok
PEW: you got to keep your last house because of me…. your almost finished your degree….why….because of me. we had the kids…..why…..because of me
LM: I see.
PEW: you don’t see…. you never will either
LM: All right. Is there a point?
PEW: there never has been a point…….i’m just dissappointed that I let myself waste so many years with someone who just doesn’t care
LM: I’m sorry about that.
PEW: i’m upset. please. nobody is more sorry than me for not being stronger
Oh? There is one person who was more upset about that. Me. More evidence of projection/mirroring.
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