Mark It Down – We Have a Civil Discussion

Monday morning (5/5), I receive the following email from PEW:

LM,

I meant to ask the boys….particularly S2 about what Mr. Neighbor said to him outside yesterday. I’m not sure if he said anything to S1, but there was more arguing and fighting between the kids this weekend and I thought I heard Mr. Neighbor say to the boys that “you don’t want Dad to get involved if you’re messing with my kids” If he said what I think he said, I’m going to go ballistic on him. The kids argue and I generally just send them home and I don’t get involved with the petty details of why they were fighting in the first place and they spend ALOT of time over here. So I was going to say, if you have a problem with my children you don’t talk to them, you talk to me. I am so pissed off I wish I remembered to ask the boys about that. Can you see what they say to you about it?

~PEW

It’s been a while since I spoke of her next-door neighbors. These are the ones with two boys the same age as ours. The older one, we’ll call him “Joker” – is about as scary a boy of 9-years old can be. He’s got “that look” in his eye that I didn’t like the moment I first saw him. This is the kid with a toy-gun arsenal that would impress a branch of our armed-forces. The one who used to shoot me to death if he was outside and I was doing an exchange at her house (back when I had to do that). This is the kid who’s father bought him several bb-guns. This same child has apparently shot S1 and S2 on several occasions, which I didn’t find out until far too much time had passed to actually do anything about it. Their latest purchase for their scary oldest son – a cross-bow. A real, true to life, powerful and deadly cross-bow. Just what I needed to hear.

Long story shortened, I’ve given the boys practical advice regarding these two “friends.” When they act up, go home. If you see the guns or the cross-bow leave the house – go home. Tell mom to call the police and insist that the police confiscate them.

This communication from PEW gave me the opportunity to discuss the matter with her. The email was followed by an early morning phone call and I called her back about 10:00AM to find out what the situation was. This was an “urgent matter pertaining to the children.”

Apparently, all of the kids have been fighting and arguing incessantly for some time. Unsurprisingly, PEW doesn’t know how to manage such situations. Some of the weekend highlights included:

– Finally breaking down and when the neighbor kids got out of control, told them to leave. “Joker” would not leave. Sat down, put his feet up on the table, and just stayed despite her repeated pleas to leave the house and get home.

– After said ejection, both boys, Joker and his younger brother we’ll call “Goblin,” began an incessant “knock-knock zoom-zoom” effort. (Ringing the door bell and running.)

– They created and held up graphic signs indicating the S1 and S2 should “suck their…”

– Apparently, her “wonderful neighbors” recently had a new baby and they don’t spend a whole lot of time with the older two… not that I believed that they’ve been all that great at parenting them before the newborn. According to PEW, she allows them to run wild, and the first place they typically run is her house and “she doesn’t know how to handle it.”

– Joker and Goblin regularly barge into PEW’s home uninvited, but according to the boys, she never really does anything about it and expects them to play with Joker and Goblin – even when they really don’t want to.

– They dumped trash on her porch after being ejected.

Still, PEW did nothing except tell the boys to stop looking out the window. As she would tell it, by the time she was compelled to call next door, one or both parents had taken care of it.

So, without blaming her for history, I reminded her of my concerns regarding Joker and Goblin going way back. I expressed deep disappointment at the bb-gun incidents, but since it was water under the bridge, we would decide how to handle it going forward. We spoke of our mutual fear regarding the addition of a real-life cross-bow to Joker’s aresenal.

What was the real purpose of her call? She wanted ME to call the neighbors and address the issues with them.

I told her that while I sympathized with her situation, there was simply no way I was going to get involved in her disagreements with her neighbors. That was her situation to handle and I would not be injecting myself into it unless something happened that warranted my intervention – and that intervention would involve the police. In the interim, it was her responsibility to address the situation with her neighbors. She even tried to play the “I’m a woman” card, telling me that she thinks that Mr. Neighbor (allegedly) said what he said because she’s a woman and figured that there was no man there to challenge him. For that reason, I should come down there and do something about it. Well, Mr. Neighbor is about the size of a racehorse jockey and probably intimidates few. Further, PEW isn’t the size of a racehorse jockey and could probably take him if it ever got physical. Her neighbors, her issue with which to deal.

My suggestions to her were as follows:

– If the children come over uninvited, ask them to leave once. Then call the parents to come retrieve their children and remind them to teach them respect for their neighbor’s home.

– Call Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor and tell them their children are no longer welcome at your home for “a while.” A month. The summer. I don’t care. The boys don’t like them. We all fear them. They’re not welcome.

– Express your feelings regarding Joker being in possession of bb-guns and now a cross-bow.

– THE BIGGIE: If you or the children ever see the bb-guns or the cross-bow ever come out of your neighbor’s house, call the police. I don’t care if you have to LIE and tell the cops the child pointed it at you. Call the police, get them there, and insist that they confiscate the weapons.

– I told her AND more important, S1 and S2 – if they see those weapons again, they are to call me right away.

I didn’t put any blame on her. I didn’t tell her that this should have been addressed a long time ago. I simply made suggestions how she might want to handle things going forward, even if it meant the neighbors didn’t like her. The boys deserve that protection from these two tyrants and their disinterested parents.

She listened and not for even an instant did she deviate from the discussion. She thanked me at the end of our conversation. Soon thereafter, I received the following email:

LM,

Thanks for letting me vent this morning. I spoke to Mrs. Neighbor and told her what I thought I heard. I told her I think the kids need to take a break from each other for a while. She was fine with that and agreed that they’ve been fighting alot. We’ll see after a few weeks.

I agree with you about the crossbow. it’s supposed to be put away unless he’s supervised.

~PEW

I’m guessing she soft-shoed it, which isn’t something I would have done, particularly given the history with the bb-guns and all the other outrageous behavior I’ve heard about from the boys. BUT… at least she took some action and hopefully the appearance of putting her foot down is a start.

My reply to the above:

PEW,

It was an urgent matter pertaining to the children. Given the stories I’ve heard, I’m concerned about their safety, particularly with regard to the bb-guns and now the cross-bow.

I pray that if you ever see them out in the open with those weapons, you’ll call the police. Joker clearly cannot handle such responsibility and his level of “supervision” is obviously seriously lacking. I just told the boys when they told me the stories about getting shot… if they’re out with weapons – you go inside… period. Tell mom. She’ll take action.

Please let me know about anything involving Joker and his “arsenal.” There is a lot of risk there.

I’ll let you know what their version of events is tonight. I think the “break” was the right thing to do. Here’s hoping Mr. Neighbor is made abundantly clear about the arrangement by Mrs. Neighbor.

~LM

I spoke to the boys after school and neither of them have any recollection of Mr. Neighbor saying anything to them, let alone what PEW believes she heard from her front porch. No big deal to me, mind you, the situation needed to be addressed regardless.

LM,

Mrs. Neighbor says, he doesn’t have any bb’s and the bow is away. If that changes I will certainly take action. She agreed that they need the break too. She also assured me that she was going to talk to Mr. Neighbor about the way he handled it. I’ll wait to hear from you about what the boys say.

~PEW

So, it appears for now that we’re all clear about how things are going to be going forward. I was certain that when I refused to “be the bad guy” on her behalf, that would be the end of the discussion, but she (for now) took it in stride. I don’t want to have to “wait” until something more serious happens (like another bb-gun attack or a cross-bow mishap) – but given how I’m likely portrayed in that neighborhood anyway, the LAST thing I need to be doing is strolling on into that clusterflod and being the big, bad concerned father who will then fit exactly what she has described to them.

Her neighbors. Her problem. She needs to deal with it. And if something like the bb-gun incident happens ever again and I hear about it – they’ll all pay a very steep price. Hopefully, it won’t be because one of the boys lost an eye or was found in the driveway with an arrow sticking out of his chest.

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Holding Hands is CHILD ABUSE!

Continuing now from Friday’s post…

The escalation is underway due to my decision not to respond to her earlier unprovoked, mindless, antagonistic email from the 20th.

This very morning I received another email from PEW and she is raising the level of antagonism in order to prompt a reply. As tough as it is, one will not be forthcoming. There are some things in there that I’d like to address, but as with most issues – she really doesn’t care and there is no explanation that would satisfy her alleged concerns. There never was.

To satisfy my compulsion to reply, I will break this down afterwards to show you what the replies to each item would be if I were still stuck in “defensive explain myself” mode.

LM,

you still haven’t responded about monday? the court order says I have the “right of first refusal” you’re the guy who put that clause in there….so I suggest you respond in kind.

I am so tired of the bs that has been going on….now they tell me that you said they can’t bring their wrestlers over there??? what the frig are they supposed to do? they’re not allowed to watch tv….no video games…no fun….they have no toys….your girl is mean to them….answer me for God’s sake…do you want to be in court again? because that is what is going to happen soon and this time I am going to INSIST that Judge Contempt talk to these children. LM, I haven’t liked this arrangement from day one and I’ve been collecting evidence of WHY it is not working……….if you want it to stay this way I suggest you consider a few things….did you look at their grades since you came…..on your weeks they do terrible on their tests!!! On my weeks they do great. You are ridiculously strict……they are BOYS…making them hold hands when they fight??? I do NOT want to hear that AGAIN. Who thought of that? That is the gayest thing I have ever heard….S1 is amost 10….for God’s Sake…..what are you trying to do? I have told a dozen people about that and they all said what I was thinking and that is…it’s almost child abuse making a child S1’s age and maturity level hold hands??? I’m not going to let you do this LM. I’ve invested way too much already to just sit back and expect you to be semi-normal…..you’re not. You are really weird and so is your girlfriend. I am not going to let you screw up these boys. If you can’t be sort of normal then you should just go away. I have to say again what I’ve said all along….where are you getting your parenting tips from?? do you even have a mind of your own anymore? You need to grow some balls and tell your girl that you will raise your boys your OWN way….because frankly you’re raising them like “Nancy Boys”…for God’s sake LM what are you thinking??? I’m 99% certain that the only reason DW’s kids are semi normal is because of POE…you need to grow some “you know whats” and parent your OWN kids because they way I see it now is that OUR kids are the “red headed step children”…….and I don’t like it LM. S1 is about two years away from being able to legally decide on his own….and it’s not looking good for you. Do you know that? When he turns 12 he can decide on his own where he wants to be.

I want to know why they complain about DW so much? why does she never hug and kiss them and tell them she loves them?? that’s not because of me LM because I would love nothing more than for her to love them??? What the hell is going on over there? does she hate your children or what?

This is an adult. A mother of two. “Nancy Boys.” “Gayest.” When we speak about Borderline Personality Disorder, we often speak of how their maturity became stunted early on. You can see from the way she handles situations that this is true. You can see from the language she uses, this is true.

Breaking it down…

you still haven’t responded about monday? the court order says I have the “right of first refusal” you’re the guy who put that clause in there….so I suggest you respond in kind.

Yes, actually, I have. You see, the “right of first refusal” clause is in place if I need to secure childcare for some reason (other than an illness or similar). The key point here is if I needed it. I don’t. The ROFR clause doesn’t say I have to keep re-explaining myself. The ROFR clause doesn’t say I have to continue to tell her that I will be home with the children. The ROFR does say that if I needed childcare services (including if DW was going to be watching them), I have to give her the chance to provide that care.

Also – I happen to know for a fact that she has had her sister watch them without having called me first. Interesting how accusatory the guilty can be.

Bottom line – I don’t have to tell her that I am doing the childcare. I only have to tell her when I’m not.

I am so tired of the bs that has been going on….now they tell me that you said they can’t bring their wrestlers over there??? what the frig are they supposed to do? they’re not allowed to watch tv….no video games…no fun….they have no toys….your girl is mean to them….

Last week, a number of things occurred regarding wrestling and their wrestling action figures. I’ve been very clear about her allowing the children to overindulge in WWE wrestling because it’s adult television, not 6YO and 9YO television. It’s just not.

#1 – A near fight ensued during recess where one child asked S1 to perform a dangerous wrestling maneuver on him. That’s right, the kid asked S1 to perform the move on him. Strange, but true.

#2 – When playing with their action figures, they were SLAMMING them down on the tables and hardwood floors. They had repeatedly been warned against doing this. I had no problem with them doing it on the sofa cushions, chair cushions, or their beds – surfaces that don’t sound like repeated gunfire when the action figures are spiked off of them and don’t damage property.

#3 – Which resulted in my banning them from bringing the action figures to the house: the two boys closed the bedroom door and were doing exactly what I had told them not to do – performing wrestling moves on one another. S2 got hurt and was crying.

Now, I cannot control what goes on in her house. I cannot control her inability to discipline. I can only control what goes on in our home and I think that the boys’ repeated warnings over the course of the last few months were more than enough.

As for the rest – no, we don’t have video games. They get enough at her house. They have toys. They have radio controlled cars and trucks. We have games. We have loads of books. They watch enough television (just not WWE and “Cops” and that trash). They have fun.

What I think the problem is here is that they also have responsibilities. They also have consequences for their actions (both good and bad). That probably makes my home less fun for them. Too bad.

I pray that this course of discipline will not upset any readers, resulting in email explanations about how banning their WWE action figures will stifle their upbringing or otherwise upset the balance of nature.

answer me for God’s sake…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – this is precisely what it’s about. Her. No one else.

do you want to be in court again? because that is what is going to happen soon and this time I am going to INSIST that Judge Contempt talk to these children. LM, I haven’t liked this arrangement from day one and I’ve been collecting evidence of WHY it is not working……….if you want it to stay this way I suggest you consider a few things….

We’re well aware that it has been quite a long time (at least in our terms) since we have been to court. DW and I have discussed that we anticipate that this period of no-court should be coming to an end soon. Here come her threats again.

did you look at their grades since you came…..on your weeks they do terrible on their tests!!! On my weeks they do great.

I have no idea what she is talking about.

#1 – Almost everything I have seen has been fantastic and nothing has been poor. Both boys have been doing extremely well in school.

#2 – With exception of spelling tests, what PEW doesn’t get is that most testing occurs early in the following week after schoolwork, homework, and study. Even if what she claims was factual (and it’s not) – PEW, genius that she is, doesn’t realize that the test results that occur in her week are based on work and study that happened the prior week.

#3 – I’ve gotten nothing but good reports from the teachers.

#4 – Their 2nd-marking period grades (both children) improved over their first marking period grades. 50/50 shared custody began… right at the beginning of the 2nd-marking period. PLUS physical incidents have dramatically decreased overall, and only ONE has occurred during my custody time. Why? Because there are consequences.

You are ridiculously strict……they are BOYS…making them hold hands when they fight??? I do NOT want to hear that AGAIN. Who thought of that? That is the gayest thing I have ever heard….S1 is amost 10….for God’s Sake…..what are you trying to do? I have told a dozen people about that and they all said what I was thinking and that is…it’s almost child abuse making a child S1’s age and maturity level hold hands??? I’m not going to let you do this LM. I’ve invested way too much already to just sit back and expect you to be semi-normal…..you’re not.

This is really too funny for words. A buddy of ours, our business attorney actually, gave me this idea. He’s used it for a while and has had extremely positive results – and I actually strongly recommend this to any parent. When the kids are fighting and are not responding to warnings to cease and desist, I intervene. No beatings. No threats. No punishments. I don’t take anything away. What do I do? I tell them that since they are treating each other so poorly, they need to hold hands for 5-minutes.

I’ve used nothing before nor since that has defused a situation as fast. It has never lasted 5-minutes. What happens is, they stop what they are doing, join hands, sometimes grudgingly, sometimes with me, and sometimes with me just sitting on the chair next to them with a big grin on my face. They look at each other. Then, they crack up laughing. Fight over. No aggravation between them or for us. All is typically forgotten.

QUICK! SOMEBODY GRAB A PHONE AND CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES!!!

I’m guessing from her language that she believes this course of action will turn them homosexual or something. Here also is another flip-flop between “they are babies” and “they are mature.” Whatever suits her argument at the moment is what they are.

You are really weird and so is your girlfriend. I am not going to let you screw up these boys. If you can’t be sort of normal then you should just go away. I have to say again what I’ve said all along….where are you getting your parenting tips from?? do you even have a mind of your own anymore? You need to grow some balls and tell your girl that you will raise your boys your OWN way….because frankly you’re raising them like “Nancy Boys”…for God’s sake LM what are you thinking??? I’m 99% certain that the only reason DW’s kids are semi normal is because of POE…you need to grow some “you know whats” and parent your OWN kids because they way I see it now is that OUR kids are the “red headed step children”…….and I don’t like it LM. S1 is about two years away from being able to legally decide on his own….and it’s not looking good for you. Do you know that? When he turns 12 he can decide on his own where he wants to be.

This was a tough read. From where I’m sitting, it seems that she is saying that our children are not normal. She is also delusional again because:

– Other than the few times during exchanges from years ago, I can count on one hand how many times she has had any interaction with DW’s children (and that was relegated to “hi” from outside of a car.)

– She has never met POE and has no idea what he is like. None. Not one shred of information.

– POE’s household is run with the same rules as ours, so DW’s children behave so well because they know what to expect. They have never been in trouble at school, never hit someone, and both received awards including the Principal’s Award and Citizenship Award at school. According to the PEW, the fact that we have them 50% of the time should make them awful children like she perceives ours to be apparently.

– This is a quality example of her uncanny ability to try to strike deep into your soul with her vitriolic attacks. Her viciousness has never known boundaries. I don’t have any balls of my own. Everything I do is based upon what DW wants. I don’t know how to parent. *yawn* More threats. Surprise, surprise.

I want to know why they complain about DW so much? why does she never hug and kiss them and tell them she loves them?? that’s not because of me LM because I would love nothing more than for her to love them??? What the hell is going on over there? does she hate your children or what?

DW loves the children and is very concerned for their well-being. Both of us let the others’ children take the lead on hugs and kisses so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable. DW’s children are quite affectionate to me. Not all the time, but plenty. S2 is generally about the same level of affectionate with DW. S1, though, while a very affectionate person, is very rarely affectionate towards DW. It’s not overt, but I think it’s because he is afraid that he is somehow harming mom. If DW were to force these things on the children, we have no doubts there would be accusations of sexual or other abuse. It’s another clear no-win situation. Unfortunately, given past experiences, we have to stay on the legally safe side regarding physical interactions.

Given what you read, there is clearly parental alienation going on, so it’s no surprise that one or both of my children would be leery of showing too much affection towards DW (especially). DW is always congratulatory for their accomplishments. She is always available to help with anything. She is always caring whether they are healthy or suffering from some illness. She is more involved in making sure the children are enrolled in healthy activities than their own mother. Funny how PEW doesn’t want DW watching the children on the day they have off from school, yet we are to believe that she only wants DW to love the children. Delusional.

What I think the above represents is her fantasy. She sees things how they wish they would be out of an intense fear that she is “not a good parent” or doing something “not as well” as perhaps I do things. In order to compensate for her own shortcomings, she has to believe that I am so much worse than her and then it manifests itself in her delusional email diatribes.

I really do want to respond to her, specifically with regard to the WWE issue again, because all of my fears about their overexposure to that show are coming to pass. The problem is, she would totally disregard that reality because allowing the boys to watch that makes her “the better parent” in her eyes, and of course, at times in their eyes, too.

What she really needs to do is stop interrogating the children when they are with her. They’re only going to be inclined to give her the answers she wants to hear which then prompts her attack-emails.

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Documentary Exposes Family Court Corruption & Court Sponsored Child Abuse

Support? System Down

Filmmaker Angelo Lobo along with Angela & Robert Pederson

ACTION ALERT
Their Dirty Little Secret Is Over!

We are throwing our support for potential nationwide distribution in 2008 for the documentary movie “Support? System Down.”

The quality of this documentary is reportedly top notch. The movie trailers alone are a wake-up-call introduction into the content. We believe that those not currently affected by a family court system will be shocked when watching this movie. Don’t think these things can happen in the United States? Think again.

The Trailers – Click on Image to View

Corruption

“It’s Billions of Dollars – It’s Far Beyond What The Mafia Ever Did”

A flavor of what people have experienced, both fathers and mothers, at the hands of the machine that we often refer to as “The Divorce Cartel.”

Its About The Kids

“Parental Suicide Does Go Up Five Times For Fit Parents That Are Removed From Their Children”

More than 25,000 men and fathers commit suicide every year. The likelihood of suicide goes up 500% for men with children involved in divorce. I’ve been through the ringer and many have experienced much worse than I did. I know the level of frustration I’ve felt from time to time. It’s not hard to imagine how hopeless some may finally get.

Divorce Is Ugly Business

“Every County in America and Every State in America is Financially Incentivized to Ruin Families”

A business owner I know has an employee who pays child support. The business can be affected by the weather (construction). The man fell slightly behind in his support payments to the tune of about $1,100. He was hauled into court. The owner fronted him $750 to help get him out of his bind. Despite collecting this money, the court still threw him in jail for a week, preventing him from working so that he could continue to make up the difference and support his child. The decision defied explanation and yet, this happens all the time in America. Not only did it affect this man and his child, it affected the business owner, too. This is not an uncommon occurrence.

War Is Hell – Child Support Doesn’t Have To Be!

“They (Military Reservists) go off to war and they have been paying child support based on an income they are no longer making”

Men and women go off to war and have to deal with unimaginable stress, pressure – essentially the loss of their lives at any time. On the home front, these soldiers face divorce and the loss of their children, homes, jobs, and freedom. As if they need further distractions under such conditions. Men are returning home to steep arrearages because when they were deployed, there was no time for an adjustment in support and so their arrearages pile up without any consideration whatsoever to the circumstances. Many return home to face JAIL after serving our country.

—————————————————————–

This movie will make waves all across the country and will expose voters all across the country, to what we already know:

1) There is corruption in America’s family court systems fueled by their addiction to Title IV-D federal funds and incentives.

2) Judicial discretion and the “best interest factors” have failed our families, parents and children.

3) The typical time non-custodial parents receive (4-6 days a month) is court sponsored child abuse.

4) The largest opposition to “equal parenting” legislation, such as Michigan House Bill 4564, is the family law section of each states Bar, i.e. Family Law Section of the Michigan Bar. Common sense will tell you why they oppose such legislation.

5) Children have a God-given, fundamental right to be loved, guided, educated and nurtured equally by both fit and willing parents.

6) Family Courts in Michigan and all across America rip children away from one of their fit and willing parents after a divorce every day by the thousands.

…and so much more!

You can expect that there will be significant opposition to this documentary and the opposition will try very hard to suppress the release of this film. The filmmaker needs your help now!

What can we do to help see this movie get to release and exposure?

Please buy just one T-shirt from the filmmaker. These shirts are very high quality and the design is fantastic. Just $13 plus s/h. This documentary is a powerful tool that we can use to educate America on the failed system parents and children are exposed to.

If you are an individual buy just one!

If you are a small equal parenting organization buy several!

National organization supporting equal parenting rights?

Consider making a donation to the film or buy numerous high quality T-shirts.

Need a fund raising opportunity? Buy 20 shirts and mark up the price.

A Child’s Right is an official sponsor of this documentary. Make your organization a sponsor now! The filmmaker will probably never see a dime by releasing this high quality documentary. Angelo Lobo, based on the true stories he heard while filming, feels a tremendous obligation to releasing this movie for nationwide distribution. You can help.

We are asking everyone to please spread the word on this documentary. If you blog or have a website please post the You Tube trailers of this documentary so that we can spread this to the masses. Thank you.

Here’s hoping this documentary will garner enough support to hit the mainstream. We have not seen the movie ourselves but are hoping to see it the moment it is released. I’m sure it will give everyone a hardcore view of what really happens in a small part of the country, which will undoubtedly represent what happens everywhere.

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Mother’s Rights

A Mother is driving along with her 4 year old daughter in the back seat of the car, the child’s father comes up from behind, ramming his car into the mother’s rear bumper until she finally stops the car. The father gets out of the car, runs to the mother’s car and takes the daughter, running into the woods.

What does the father get charged with?

Domestic Violence, kidnapping, endangering the welfare of a child, and interfering with custody. Read on below…

This is a trick question. See, the above story actually happened, except it was the Mother ramming the car and then abducting the child. And do you know what she got charged with? Endangering a child for HAVING HER OUTSIDE WITHOUT A COAT ON. You can read the full story on how mother’s can get away with domestic violence, kidnapping children, and interfering with custody, with no consequences, while a father would be sent to jail.

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