LM & DW,
Tomorrow is the big day… we hope! We go back to court, again, to hopefully win custody of my husband’s kids. We’ve been going every other month it seems since January, a full month after CPS took my husband’s daughter from his PEW (and gave her to the PEW’s mother, per the PEW’s request), and three months since he’d seen his daughter last. His son elected to come live with us nearly a year ago exactly, due to struggles at home with both his mother and his older half brother, so we have had custody of him at least. Between the PEW and CPS both, it has been an uphill battle.
The PEW has talked his son into lying about his father(my husband), promised him a life full of doing what ever he wants(to include drug use, hanging out with old friends that got him into trouble before) in exchange for coming back to live with her. Now that the PEW has the daughter back from CPS, she is trying to turn the little girl(just turned 6) against her father like she has his son. It is disgusting, to be honest. The woman has tested positive for drugs multiple times in the last nearly year, has flown off the coop at counselor’s visits (all documented), and my husband has never come up positive, never thrown a fit… and still, there is a chance that she could get the boy back, and keep his daughter as well.
The last time we were at court, a ‘social study’ was agreed upon. It has cost us nearly three times as much money as it was supposed to, but hopefully, will be worth it. When my husband’s son spoke to the social worker yesterday (the one conducting said ‘social study’, he admitted to her freely that he’d lied to CPS about his dad for his mom and that he’d done drugs under the care of (but not in sight of) his mother during her supervised visitation with him. He told the social worker that his dad wouldn’t let him talk to his old friends (yes, the ones he’d gotten into trouble for shoplifting with and the ones he’d been doing drugs with), made him do his homework and go to school. With Mom, he’d already been on probation for shoplifting, been held back a year at school for truancy, and failing all his classes as well as regular marijuana use with his friends. As the social worker said… ‘No wonder he wants to go live with his mom!’
Now, our primary goal is to keep custody of the boy, as mom treats boy (verbally, mentally abusive) far differently than girl (‘normal’, for now at least); however, per our attorney, we are in fact fighting for custody of both. It is our hope that with this ‘social study’ report, they will not be able to justify keeping daughter with mom if son shouldn’t be with mom. And tomorrow, we will see.
Wish us luck!
Lora
Lora wrote this letter on September 23rd, 2008 and then followed up with us regarding the outcome of their court hearing…
Court, for now, is over and done with. Per the social worker’s recommendations, my husband’s son will be staying with us, period. His daughter will stay with Mom. Visitation will remain the way it currently is, weekend wise, but holidays will be modified (we only had temporary orders that didn’t include holidays). We also managed to get it stipulated that his ex-wife will have to follow through with all and any recommendations from the psychological testing done by CPS within 30 days, and we also got in a requirement of random drug testing (this is our major concern, as well as the psychological stuff).
We could have gone daggers for his daughter as well, but, given circumstances, we really feel this is in his daughter’s best interests for now. That could change in the coming weeks, months, years. Who’s to know? My husband and his ex split up when his daughter was still an infant, she has never had Dad around full time and Mommy is her constant. There is an undeniable bond between mother and daughter that we cannot find fault with. At this time, while his ex is clean and drug free, we aren’t sure that pulling his daughter from her ‘safety line’ is the best thing to do. If, however, the situation deteriorates or she starts testing dirty, then we will go back to court.
We are incredibly thankful. It went better than the worst case scenario, but not as well as the best case scenario, but we can work with this.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, and know that we will be continuing to read your blogs, something tells me that our journey is not nearly complete (we’ll be dealing with the ex until his daughter turns 18, at least!).
-Lora
Success in the family court arena is often counted in the small steps forward. While you didn’t achieve all of your goals, it’s very nice to see that you’ve managed to gain some ground in protecting the kids from their mother’s issues. Hopefully, some of the steps you’ve taken will ultimately help your PEW in the long-run, too.
Continued best wishes to you and yours!
Sincerely,
LM & DW