PEW Continues to Harrass About New Year’s Eve 2007

Continued from: Reinterpreting the Order Again

I decide to break no/low-contact in order to make sure she’s clear my position on the order, though I did tell her on the phone before hanging up in her ear as she started to go off. Due to a number of emails and text messages since then, I send the following this morning:

(12/31/07, 11:28AM)

PEW,

In response to your latest barrage of emails, voice mails, and text messages threatening me with more litigation, I will offer you the following information regarding your latest misinterpretation of the court order.

New Year’s Holiday is defined as December 31st through January 1st. Father has odd years. Mother has even years. As the “holiday” as defined begins in 2007, this is my year. The language of our orders haven’t changed since the first one. Further, our history confirms my recollection of the order and not your latest revision. You had New Years Holiday in 2004 (three years ago) and 2006 (last year) under this same language. I had New Years Holiday in 2005 (two years ago). This is now 2007 and is my year. Historically, whoever had Christmas, the other had New Years. The only reason it’s different this year is because prior to you being found in contempt of court, this would have been your next scheduled Christmas (followed by my next scheduled New Years).

I believe that this explanation is exceedingly clear and you will refute it. Just be assured that as I had informed you over the phone, the children will not be coming home today despite your orders for me to do so. Please stop with the incessant harassment. Stop with the unnecessary and unsupportable litigation.

~LW
————-
After sending this, she calls to wish the boys Happy New Year. After chatting with the boys, I overhear S6 run into his bedroom and say to S9, “Mom said that dad is holding us here when it’s supposed to be her time with us! She said we are supposed to be with her and not with dad!”

Engaging the children in such issues is another violation of the court order and another in a long line of efforts to alienate the children against me. I walk out of the bathroom and into their room and the following discussion takes place:

Remaining calm, I simply explained to them, with their assistance (they know the week-on week-off schedule) what the situation is.

Me: My week was the week before Christmas, correct?
Them: Yes.
Me: Normally, Christmas week would have been mom’s this year, but trust me when I tell you that a special circumstance came up and I was supposed to have you for Christmas this year. Okay?
Them: Okay.
Me: That means, where are you supposed to be this week?
Them: With you.
Me: Please believe me when I tell you that I would not keep you from being with your mother. You are with me because that is our schedule and mom isn’t supposed to be telling you any differently. It is not your business to deal with, okay?
Them: Okay. Sorry.
Me: There is no need to apologize, I just want to make sure you know the truth.

I really don’t like having such conversations with the children. I’d really like for them to just be little kids and not be burdened with such bullshit, but alas, their mother – being the selfish, psycho that she is, will not hesitate to cross any boundary in order to create havoc. She doesn’t care about these children or the impact her behavior has on them.

Soon thereafter, I get 2 calls from her on the house phone. Ignored, no voice mails. 2 calls on the cellphone. Ignored, 1 voice mail. So far, two emails.

(12/31/2007, 1:36PM Voice Mail from PEW)

LW, it’s PEW. Those boys are supposed to be coming home. Today. I don’t know why you haven’t left yet. It’s almost 2 o’clock. I don’t know why you haven’t left yet. They want to come home. They don’t even want to be with you anymore. They want to come home and be with me. You had better bring them home today!

Followed by email at 2:05PM:

Listen LM,

You’re wrong, it says this is my year and even if it wasn’t what kind of father would keep the children when they don’t want to be there for three weeks. They both just told me they want to COME HOME, but they said if they say that to you they’ll get in trouble. What the hell is that?? I’m not going to litigate because I ENJOY it, quite the contrary….I hate it which is why I didn’t dispute your latest shenanigans with “moving” back to the area….which is NOT what you did. You lied to JS. You don’t live up here. This situation isn’t working out and you know it….the kids are NOW suffering emotionally because they have a total psycho for a father and I am helpless to protect them. AND to top it all of, you’re now holding them hostage at your [home state] when they want to be with me. They hate it there when D9 and S8 aren’t there. Not to mention the fact that they each got like 3 gifts and DW’s kids “got a whole bunch”. You disgust me. I’m giving the 50/50 thing six months (the end of April) to work for the boys and then I’m filing for another hearing. So far I have [neighbor] telling me that the first day you had them, you left them at the bus alone and drove away……I have the teacher telling me that you refuse to give S9 a snack and a decent lunch….I have [another apparent spy at Cub Scouts] telling me that you single S9 out at cub scouts and do not allow him to participate in the snack there…..I have countless emails from the teachers about the children’s behavior when they are with you…..I have S9 telling me about your “table topics” game where you ask the question “if something happened to your mother and she couldn’t take care of you, who would you want to live with?” what kind of sick game is that??? I have your total inability to communicate on any level…..then there’s the fact that you don’t LIVE up here…you DON’T EVEN WORK UP HERE all the time…..YOU are the reason 50/50 isn’t going to work. And I will prepare the judge for that on January 24th when I go in to discuss this bullshit with her. You’re a sick person, even if I am wrong what kind of father would keep children when they clearly miss their mother. I’m going to litigate more because it’s the ONLY THING I CAN DO. I hate spending my time this way, but when I hear my kids voices and they’re wispering that they miss me and want to come home because their SICK father will get mad if he hears them…….it infuriates me. Some day JS is going to see what I see….and what the REST of the world sees in you…..you’re a sick sick person…..EVERYONE knows that you don’t care about what’s best for those boys. I hope your holiday is ruined just like you ruined mine and the kids. Get help.

~PEW

My commentary: My, my, my – the rage is now out of control. Points worth addressing:

– My children just told me this morning, after being told we’re heading back to [work state] tomorrow that they didn’t want to go back and they were just having too much fun here. Of course, they also have to go back to school, which I’m sure is a bummer to all kids who’ve had off for 10-days. That’s not to say that they don’t miss their mom. A divorce arrangement sucks all the way around, but when you have a raging maniac for a mother, you will say what will appease her and they know if they tell her that they’re having a blast with me, she’ll get upset. That’s because she does get upset.

– I did “move back up there.” I have residences in both places. I work in mom’s home state. It was an absolute miracle that I obtained this position and took it for two reasons: 1) I needed a job. 2) TO BE WITH MY CHILDREN!!! During my weeks where I don’t have custody of the children, I can work from the home office and make a point of scheduling any travel I may have for those weeks where I don’t have custody. Further, if business circumstances require it, I’m even up at our apartment in the work state because I have to be. Reality, PEW… catch it!

– Christmas presents: DW’s children had more because their father brought over all of their stuff along with their grandmother. Of course, PEW has always been about everybody being “even” – even when circumstances just don’t call for it or allow it.

– On the first day I had the boys during the 50/50 arrangement, I took them to the bus stop which is at the corner of her street and her neighborhood spies. While awaiting the bus, I notice I’m parked on the wrong side of the street and right under the sign which reads – “No parking, this side of street.” As their buddies are assembling at the bus stop, they get antsy and want to get out. I let them, telling them, “I’m parked illegally, so I’m going to drive around the block and park on the proper side of the street.” They bolt to the corner and I start to roll around the block when… the bus arrives! While at the stop sign, everyone boards and I roll to work. I wasn’t at work 30-minutes when the raging phone voice mail comes. One of the neighborhood spies called her in work and reported that I just dumped them at the bus stop and abandoned them.

– When the boys aren’t packed a nice lunch, they are given money for a school lunch. I got one email from S9’s teacher saying that they get to lunch late and asked me if I could pack a morning snack for S9, which I have done every single day since. Boy, can PEW embellish and twist reality into abuse or what?

– One day, S9 was punished (loss of snack) for misbehavior in school. The day in question happened to be a Cub Scout meeting where all the kids get a snack at the end of the meeting. S9 was not allowed to have a snack because it was his punishment and I couldn’t allow Cub Scouts snack time to undermine my disciplinary decision. It was one instance in dozens of meetings since September. Of course, PEW doesn’t believe in discipline of any kind… so I could see where she might be upset.

– Table Topics is a fun game where we all ask questions of each other. Pretty much no topic is off-limits (within reason). They even sell “table topics cards” which was one of the gifts from Santa this year. The question she bastardizes is this: If you could live at anyone’s home except your parents for one year – whose home would you choose? S9 chose his best friend’s house. S6 chose his grandmother’s house (my mother). D9 and S8 chose their grandmother’s house. I’m not entirely sure how PEW twisted into what she described above. The question was “for a year” – I’m not sure any of us could die for only a year.

Welcome to my nightmare.

Followed by email at 2:07PM:

LM,

I like how you always portray yourself like such a “victim” too….I’m always threatening you right? or harassing you? grow up and be a man!!

~PEW

Followed by voice mail at 2:26PM:

LM,

I just responded to your email and I also wanted to let you know that now thanks to you your father and stepmom won’t get to see the kids because I was supposed to take them down there on the 11th which is obviously not going to happen if they don’t get their Christmas presents until the 6th. So, I hope you’re happy. You ruined everything for everybody as usual because that’s what makes you happy. See you on the 24th!

Followed by email at 2:37PM:

LM,

By the way…..ALL of the stuff that was on their Christmas lists is here. The jerseys, the Webkins cow, the wrestlers, the lego people, Nintendo DS, …..because I can afford it??? no, I can’t afford it….but I know their only little once and they only believe in Santa for a few years and you RUINED it. Get to a psychiatrist LM, you need help badly…..you need medication or something.

~PEW
————-
My commentary: Hey, I was out of a job for 9-months and we have a lot of recovering to do from that. My kids had an excellent Christmas and got some of the things on their rather lengthy list, which, in it’s entirety, would have cost close to $2,000 each. I know she can’t afford it, but she’s never been one to let that stand in her way. I think it’s wonderful that she can (and always has) catered to the boys’ every whim. It’s why they appreciate things so little. It’s why they expect a toy every time the wind blows. It’s why everything that isn’t perfectly balanced for them “is just not fair!” It is just another issue which we have to manage as a result of PEW buying the children’s loyalty instead of teaching them how to grow up to be well-adjusted young boys who appreciate the things that they have, the people who love them, how to keep and maintain friendships, how to handle adverse situations appropriately, how to understand discipline and have self-discipline… and the list goes on. The very basic things that help to establish a well-rounded youth she is completely incapable of providing and/or teaching.

All I ever want is a peaceful, fun, joyous holiday with some semblance of normalcy. I seriously can’t remember one in the last handful of years dating back to when we were still married. She sets out to destroy them – it’s part of the illness. She makes everyone suffer for her issues. There is nothing anyone can do about it.

Despite all of this harassment – we are having a dynamite holiday season – it’s just that for us, we have to plan for such antics and it sucks.

Happy New Year.

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Breaking News: PEW Re-Interpreting the Order Again

This has all just taken place in the last hour or so…

The main terms of the current custody order can be found in this post: Thanksgiving Comes Early …take a look at the Holiday & Special Occasions breakdown.

If you’ve been following along, you already have seen how she alleges “confusion” about the schedule and understands better than the written order what the court’s “intentions” are. No, she doesn’t. As it has always been, it’s her way or the highway.

I’ve continued with my no-contact as she’s tried to engage me with her alleged confusion over the schedule. How confusing can one-week-on/on-week-off actually be? For the BPD who wants attention from her ex-husband, it can be as confounding as a Rubik’s Cube. I had the week before Christmas, the week of Christmas to make up for last year’s mess, and then back to our regular schedule – the week after Christmas as it is my next scheduled week. She will get the children back on January 6th as per the schedule. Except that she doesn’t like that.

As I’ve not answered her half-dozen or so posts asking me ad nauseum when she is supposed to get the children next, because the schedule is clear – she has tried to engage S9 in finding out when they are coming back. This is a no-no, according to the court order, but she insists on pulling one or both boys into the fray when I don’t pay her attention. When S9 asks me after a routine phone call this week, I simply tell him, “Son, it’s not your job to worry about when the schedule is for your mother. She knows the schedule and it will be taken care of.” Evasive, but if I answer him and then he goes back to her, it will only escalate from there and I have a spy on my hands again.

In any event, at some point in the last few days I told S9 that he would be going back to PEW “next weekend” and during tonight’s phone call with her – he told her that. After he is done, he passes the phone to S6 for his chat. When he is done, S6 approaches me and says, “Mommy said she needs to speak to you.”

LW: Yes?
PEW: I don’t know what you’re doing, but the court order says I’m supposed to have them for New Year’s!
LW: PEW, read the order again, it’s clear and it’s not open for discussion. *CLICK*

Of course, it’s not going to end there. Three consecutive phone calls in the next 2-minutes results in two angry voice mails.

Voice Mail 1:

PEW: LW, the schedule that you drew up says that I have the kids on even New Years. So that means that this New Years is mine. It says mother has them on even years, father has them on odd years. So, that said, we still have a court date for January 24th and I’m expecting my kids. So I think that you better rethink whatever it is that you’re thinking and reread your proposal that you put together. The one that is now a court order, okay?

This is getting beyond ridiculous it really is… I can’t even believe… I’m expecting them home and you’re pulling this crap. I think you better rethink this… whatever it is you’re doing! *CLICK*

Minutes later…

Voice Mail 2:

PEW: Okay, your petition, section C under item 5, is New Years holiday to include December 31st through January 1st. Father shall have custody in odd year and mother shall have custody in even years. And, as defined… in that… ummm… the previous order… is… it defines even years are January 1st and then the… ummm… odd years are… you know… the even and odd is determined by the New Year. So it’s already been defined. I don’t know what it is you’re doing or why you’re doing it. But the kids need to be home on New Year’s Eve. So, I’ll see you then! Wherever! Ummm… whether it’s at [new exchange point] or you want to drop them off at my house that’s fine, but this is your petition that is now an order and we have a court date on January 24th. So, it’s not… this isn’t… this isn’t… ummm… me just being wrong again, this is what you wrote! *CLICK*

Our commentary: This madness never ends. This madness is what I’ve dealt with since 1994. This madness is what we’ve dealt with since 2004. This madness is what we’ll deal until who knows when. Some people crack “until the children are 18.” Reality is… it goes well beyond that. There are graduations, college, possible marriages, grandchildren… and as long as we are both alive – this madness will continue.

Not only does she read the order, she recites it into the voice mail and still doesn’t get it.

THE NEW YEAR’S HOLIDAY IS DEFINED AS DECEMBER 31ST THROUGH JANUARY 1ST.

The holiday begins in 2007. Father gets odd years. Normal people see this for what it is. Clearly defined. She has decided to interpret this as “New Year’s Day is 2008 – therefore – the holiday is an even year.” Except, Psycho, that the holiday duration is defined and it starts in the odd year.

Did I mention who had December 31st through January 1st last year? No? She did. The holiday as defined began in 2006. Did I mention who had it the year prior to that? No? I did. The holidays as defined began in 2005. Father has odd years, mother has even years. Does anyone who is not apeshit psychotic not understand this schedule?

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The Ex Sister-In-Law: "PP" Her Story

PP is the never-married, 40-something sicko sister of the Psycho Ex-Wife. PP has been diagnosed as Bipolar. She has had several stays in a mental health clinic in the late 1990s after a weak attempt at taking her own life. She is an alcoholic. She may even be Borderline herself.

She fancies herself a know-it-all about everything all-the-while having succeeded at nothing. Professionally, she came close – but managed to destroy that and it’s been downhill ever since.

Some of her creepy background:

– She’s been in and out of one disastrous relationship after another. Can’t keep a man around to save her life, because she cuckoo. She’s as much a psycho as her sister.

– Has thrice stolen identities and never been held legally accountable. Stole the identities of her namesakes: her mother and two aunts (who didn’t press charges). She’s also declared backruptcy no fewer than 2-times, wrecked the credit of aforementioned family members, and at our last investigation (2-years ago) had roughly 2-dozen financial judgements against her.

– In one sexual relationship, with a cousin (how close a cousin, I can’t recall) – she became so obsessed with him that she began to stalk him. Dozens of phone calls per day. Sitting outside of his house and workplace. In one extremely bizarre situation – she claimed to have been pregnant with his child in an effort to “win him back,” but chose instead to have an abortion. That abortion never actually happened. She just made it all up and really played it to the hilt, trying to drag who would become an ex-roommate into the ploy, insisting that this girl took her to have it. When people tried to check out the story, the roommate wanted nothing to do with anything and cut all ties with anyone associated PP.

– Once had a nice job that paid extremely well – a “Regional Director” of a well-known computer and electronics retailing company. That much is true. She really had the leadership position over a significant quadrant of the United States. After rising high in the company to this position, she was caught embezzling from the company and stealing from customers and was given a choice – be arrested or resign. She quit. The best she has been able to do since then (about 10-years ago) was waitress, but was fired from many of those jobs for being drunk on the job. She is now allegedly a paralegal – but I doubt that highly.

– Was allegedly the recipient of a sexual proposal by PEW’s first husband, which ultimately led to the end of that marriage. Now, however, I don’t believe it. I’ve actually tracked the first ex-husband down, but haven’t had the guts to pick up the phone and call. He was also allegedly a raging alcoholic, but given the level of projection I’ve dealt with from PEW, I’d be willing to bet that there is a fantastically different version of events from his side. Should I call him? Tell me what you think with a comment. That could be fun or be a complete bust.

– Has vacillated between 120-pounds and somewhere at the high-end of 200s before having her first of two gastric bypasses in the late 90s or early 2000s. Still in the marriage at that point, I remember imploring her that she was going to die because she chose to put away cheesesteaks at a rate that a professional eater would envy. She figured, with the bypass, she could continue to eat like she was eating (a binge eater) and expect the weight to stay off. Instead, she fucked up the surgical results which saw her return to the hospital to have it corrected.

– She’s a drunk, in case I didn’t already cover that.

She’d be drunk at work. Binge drink. Drink and drive. One time, the one side of her car was so fucked up that both right side rims were bent beyond repair. I confronted her about what the hell happened. She couldn’t remember. Really, she couldn’t. The night before, apparently, she went to a bar. Sometime between the time she was in the bar and that damage occurred – she blacked out. For all I know, she may have killed someone. At least once cited for public drunkenness.

– Her and PEW would have EPIC fights. I only wish I had recorded some of the voicemails left at my home for PEW, which sounded as if they were left by Satan himself… at least – that’s what I imagine Satan sounds like. These two fucking idiots would argue over who had a worse life and who wanted to commit suicide more times.

– Her current living arrangements are bouncing from relative’s house to house – including PEWs (which drives me bonkers but there is nothing I can do about that right now), her parents, and an aunt or two – the alcoholic ones.

– Ah yes… and an expert on everything and has now taken up her sister’s cause. As an alleged paralegal for a family law firm, her advice to PEW has been treated as expert and sound. PEW has lost pretty darn near every case brought before the court in the last 18-months as a result. I hope she keeps advising her.

Which brings me to one of her emails sent to me from PEW’s account prior to the contempt hearing. Everyone ready? She joined the fray during the Christmas 2006 debacle and here is her contribution to the issue:

12/23/2006, 1:46AM, written by PP (a.k.a. The Psycho Ex-SIL)

LM,

It’s PP. I showed the court order to the family law attorneys at the firm I work at and they said that the judge was not clear in regards to exchanges for holidays. You and PEW can both have any interpretation that you want but I can assure you that if you go back to court for “clarification”-since YOU were the one to move out of state and continually lied to the judge, over and over again, it will go against you.

PEW will NOT be at the [exchange point] on Sunday and you can show up at her door with the police if you want but there is nothing in the court order saying the police can do anything to her in any way. If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at your lawyer for not having the sense to ask the judge to spell it out PEW’s not keeping you from the boys, she just isn’t driving on a “holiday”-she is perfectly fine with driving her next scheduled turn. You can try to jam your OPINION down her throat like it’s law, as usual, but it still doesn’t make it TRUE. If I recall, several weeks ago she went out of her way to drive to be nice, when it wasn’t her turn, and this is how you repay her, as usual.

If these matters go back to court, we will bring up how you were non-compliant several weeks ago and made the boys drive HOURS longer than they had to just to spite PEW when you were in [paternal grandmother’s state]. THAT IS crystal clear in the court order. Also, your insistence in moving S6 from a loving, caregiver-again, just to mess with PEW, when it’s CLEARLY in S6’s best interests to stay with [neighbor], will go against you badly-and just wind up costing you more money. We’ll also bring up how S9 works himself into a state of such anxiety when he’s going to your home for the weekend that we don’t know what to do for him. 48hrs of being weighed, measured and harassed continually about his weight sure sounds like a good time for an 8year old. Maybe if you’d just shut up about it, it would work itself out.

I know you feel like you had some kind of victory in court but the judge gave you the absolute MINIMUM she had to in every way. If your lawyer is telling you that you have any grounds on any of the above situations, I suggest that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about and she just wants to continue to bleed you financially even though you have a losing case. Stop harassing my sister because we are not going to deal with your crap for the next 13yrs until S6 reaches 18. If you thought [PEW’s attorney] made a fool of you and DW in court the last time, trust me, we will get somebody even tougher for the next round if you INSIST on continuing the nit-picking and harassment of my sister in this manner. This is the reason you two divorced, remember?

You are a disgrace as a father or you never would have moved to [home state] in the first place. All of your bull**** is your attempts to salve your own conscience about that decision. Let the boys get on with their lives, would you? In the least traumatic way possible at this point? You NEVER put the boys interests/feelings/concerns first-just what YOU think is best for them. Truly, I’m starting to think you are severely unbalanced based on the continual hounding of PEW via phone calls, emails, name-calling etc. I mean, I always thought you were unbalanced but I think you are so bitter over the divorce you have pushed yourself over the edge trying to make PEW PAY for leaving you and taking your SONS. Pull yourself together, DW. There is nothing more pathetic than a desperate man grasping at straws. It’s really very, very sad. I better not hear that DW is harassing my sister ever again or she’ll be in court for defamation of character, harassment etc.

You’re right, we’re done communicating about this. If you really want to see your sons for this visit, you better let PEW know when you’ll be HERE to pick them up.

Merry Christmas. PP

Our commentary:

I cannot begin to convey the level of projection in this email. Obviously, you think you only have my side of the story. You have hers, too. Just keep reading. The email above accuses me of doing/being everything that PEW is and does. It’s not just a “reasonably close” description – it’s dead on. Dead. On. Dead on. Two of the biggest points of projection are:

– The Custody Hearings of October 2006 were a rousing success for me. When I tell you that I got everything for which I had petitioned except primary custody – I’m not lying. She fought every point on my petition. Granted, primary custody was a big one, but a whole bunch of important issues were addressed – all of them in my favor.

– Her attorney made a fool out of no one. I kept calling him by his first name instead of “Mr. Attorney” and he lost his temper asking the judge to yell at me. (Believe it or not, it was not intentional.) And DW, who has extensive litigation experience, was rock solid on the stand. Uncrackable. And DW frustrated her attorney at every turn. That’s not an exaggeration.

This is what her family does – bully, belittle, project, threaten, blowhard, blowhard, blowharder.

The beauty of this email is that it was one of my exhibits and the judge has another one of her sarcastic moments towards PEW with it…

More Highlights from the Contempt Hearing of March 2007:

JUDGE: PP writes in this email packet an email to your ex, and it’s really — it says, “LM, it’s PP. I showed the court order to the family law attorneys at the firm I work at.” —What does PP do for the law firm?

PEW: She’s a paralegal.

JUDGE: Right. And this is an email that PP sent on your address, your email address, to LM on Saturday, December 23rd in the afternoon. Oh, I’m sorry, 1:46AM, so it was like Friday night, late Friday night. So she had talked about this case with the family law attorneys in her firm, is what that email says. PP then talked to you about what the family lawyers said, didn’t she?

PEW: You know what? PP lies a lot. I don’t know if she actually spoke to — I think she was trying to call LM’s bluff or something. I don’t know why she does the things that she does. But, I don’t really want to speculate on that. I didn’t ask her about —

JUDGE: You’re saying that PP didn’t talk to you about what to do if you’re not taking children that you’re supposed to take for a custody exchange, how to not be in contempt? She didn’t tell you anything about that?

PEW: I — yeah, I know what it means to be in contempt. I think it means that if I willfully, maliciously violated the court order, then I should be held in contempt. But that’s not what happened!

Our commentary: How about JC mocking PP’s advice (and lack thereof) to PEW, right there in the record? Again, I know the text doesn’t convey JC’s “‘tude” – but it was out there in all of it’s glory. A 60-something, 30+ year veteran of family court affairs, stopping only just short calling her a flat-out liar. She’s wearing her disdain for PEW right out there on her sleeve

Judge Contempt has PEW, and pretty much the rest of the dysfunctional fucktards that are her family, pegged. That’s good for me.

Buy enough t-shirts and I’ll spring for the transcript of the hearing in August of 2007 where PEW, again pro-se – takes Judge Contempt on mano-y-mano after filing a petition to have her recuse herself from the case! I’ll just make that complete clusterfuck a post in and of itself – no commentary from us. Frankly, as I sit here recalling that hearing, I know that there is nothing I can say that will do it any more justice than JC’s own words will.

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Psycho Ex-Wife, Esquire – Contempt Hearing Highlights

PEW has taken on the role of attorney because she knows better than those in the legal profession how to handle stuff like our debacle. She knows better than the two seasoned veterans of Family Litigation she hired and subsequently fired. They “weren’t doing a good enough job” for her and that’s why she has been slowly losing her perceived grip on the situation(s). Yeah, that’s it. The more she acts on her own behalf, the more she fucks up, the more the people now “in charge” of our lives become aware of just the kind of terrorist we’re dealing with.

I never get to cross-examine PEW. The JC questions me, PEW questions me, and then JC questions PEW. By the time she is finished hearing all of the bullshit, she won’t even allow me to cross-examine PEW on her testimony. That’s just how convinced the Judge was that I was correct and PEW was found guilty of contempt on the issues I brought before her. She went straight to her ruling. It was a sight to behold, watching PEW break out the always popular last-ditch-effort the tears! If I didn’t think I’d be admonished by JC, I would have laughed out loud as she does it every single time she loses something, which has been a lot lately.

PEW: With regard to Christmas, did I not tell you that I was ill at any point?
LM: I believe probably Christmas Eve you told me you were ill.
JUDGE: Okay! Wait a minute. Wait a minute. The emails I have starting, let’s see, December 22nd through the 24th — on the 22nd it starts, “I’m not taking them to the exchange point.” And there’s nothing about sick then, is there?
PEW: Your Honor, I don’t recall exactly when I told him I was ill, but I have brought a doctor’s note, and I bought a letter from my employer.
JUDGE: I’m not sure I buy that. But we’ll see. Because the tone of these letters isn’t “I’m sick, I can’t come.” The tone of these letters is “Forget it guy. I’m not coming!” So, you sit down you ask your question. That one so far is not flying, but go ahead.

Our commentary: This is the very first question PEW, Esquire asks – and JC jumps all over her ass. Keep in mind, by the time PEW, Esquire is permitted to cross-examine me, JC has already asked me my version of events and I’ve submitted a well-organized, highlighted packet of email exchanges that supports the entire timeline of events leading up to Christmas. The text above probably doesn’t do it justice because you can’t “feel” the tone of JC – but she is direct, firm, and sarcastic when she wants to be. She pulls no punches in calling you out when you fuck up. Here’s a tip, PEW – it’s best to remember exactly when you said you were ill when you are using that as your excuse for failing to show up. Dumbass.

For the next excerpt, I wish that there was a video camera permitted in the courtroom and I could offer you a youtube link to JC reading the contents of one of the damning emails from PEW, Esquire:

PEW: With regard to Christmas, did I not beg you to come pick them up, saying that I was ill?
LM: I don’t recall you begging me to come pick them up. I recall you telling me that you were sick and couldn’t drive out there. It was at the last minute. I had plans for the evening. I believe I told you that I didn’t believe you were sick. And, in fact, if it pleases the court, I still have the voice mail from Christmas Eve and you don’t sound sick. You don’t say you’re sick. You say, “If your not coming to pick them up here, I’m going to my mother’s for Christmas,” and I believe you did go to your mother’s for Christmas.
JUDGE: Wait! Let me read this.
PEW: Oh, okay.
JUDGE: December 22nd at 14:59:59, from PEW:

“Go ahead. You’re going to look like an asshole. I’ll meet you next time per the court order. I’m not meeting you on Christmas Eve. That would be so like you to ruin the children’s Christmas. It’s a holiday. I have plans. I’m not meeting you at the exchange point because that’s not what the order says. I will be at my home till 7PM on Christmas Eve. If you’re not there by then, I’ll assume you’re not coming and I’ll take the boys with me. I’m not interfering with your custody. I offered to let you pick them up a day or two early, since you want such meaningful time. You’re so pathetic.”
JUDGE: Okay. Go ahead.

Our commentary: Any person with a shred of intelligence and dignity would have looked at the judge and conceded right there. Cuff me. Jail me. I am in contempt. I am so busted and I have no way out of this. Not PEW, Esquire, though – she is in court, playing attorney and she bulls on through the cross-examination seemingly unfazed.

It’s hard to describe just how flat-out sarcastic and condemning JC was being by reading that and the tone in which it was read. The Judge slapped her across the face and then in the same motion backhanded her – and it totally went right over PEW, Esquire’s head. After all, she had her question list to get through!

Another tip: PEW, when I start going off on a tangent and giving testimony that is incredibly damning to you, try objecting to stop me. Don’t just stand there dumbfounded as I go off on a soliloquy which strongly shows JC what’s at work here.

More to come. Check the categories in the sidebar for more updates. “Transcript Highlights.”

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Christmas 2007 – Part III: Final Fallout

After being granted my continuance on December 14th, the crazy email barrage again started with renewed vigor.

December 16th, 2007, 10:17PM:

LM,

I am upset about this situation with Christmas. I wasn’t trying to ruin your Christmas last year, I even offered for you to have the boys the day before Christmas. Regardless of saying that I didn’t think it was fair for me to have to drive them out to [Exchange Point] on Christmas eve I wound up getting very sick. I’ve never kept them from you….you did get them on the 27th last year and I even offered to bring them out on the 26th. I didn’t fight this 50/50 arrangement because I know they need their Dad. This is so wrong, not just for me but for them. The summer was the same thing….I’ve never done anything like that to you, what you pulled after I came and spent the weekend down there was terrible. You are totally breaking my heart. I am so distraught, I can’t bear the thought of not seeing them for three weeks straight and not a day during the Christmas season. I do believe the order said that the “Christmas holiday” was your this year but not the whole week….she never uttered those words. She didn’t say “Christmas Break” or “Christmas Week”, she said the holiday, which is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I’ve been praying everyday that you somehow move past the hatred you have for me and do the right thing. Why are you doing this? I AM their mother remember……I know you wish you could change that but you can’t and they love me very much. Please please do the right thing. I am just sick about this. You have been so cruel and I don’t understand it at all.

~PEW

Our commentary:
This is followed by a series of short, nonsensical emails telling me that she has proof of how “wrong” I am about the holiday custody arrangement and that she has proof. Dumbass doesn’t (or won’t) realize that my position is lock-solid supported by all of the documentation. However, since that doesn’t meet with her warped reality – it might as well not exist.

She sends me copies of the Contempt Order from March and the copy of the Custody Order from November. Both obviously support my position. The order from November refers to the terms of my petition which are entered as “the order.” It is quite clear. When she goes home on the 20th of December, she digs out her copy of the petition and makes the astounding discovery that she is completely wrong! LET THE CRAZY-MAKING BEGIN! (We respond to none of what follows.)

12/20/07, 7:55PM:

Well LM, I got home, I reviewed the petition/proposal that you filed in September. It appears, as usual that I overlooked the fine details…I’m sure you’ve looked at the transcript from the Nov 2nd hearing by now and realize that she asked me if I agreed with everything else but the two items I brought up and I said “yes” Of course when I originally reviewed everything, I was focused the driving issue and overlooked Christmas that you put in there that you would have the kids the entire week of Christmas. You always “beat me” on the technicalities but that won’t happen in the future, I assure you. I’m sure your “Legal Eagle” DW, has been telling you that you have me beat……but that’s because she’s not truly “A Mother”…..if she was she would never think this was a “great” idea. I’m going to withdraw my petition because I’m the “better” person…..and EVERYONE knows that. My family knows, your family knows, our old friends know, my friends know, my company knows, the school knows…..but most importantly YOU know that I’m a WAY nicer person than your girlfriend and you’re upset that I divorce YOU. I can’t compete with someone who is as manipulative and intelligent as you (and your girlfriend) who is apparently the gonads behind this whole thing because I happen to know that you are not this MEAN……and that’s exactly what this is…manipulation…..deceit….payback….whatever it is…it’s wrong and it sucks for me that I’m not as SMART as you and your girlfriend. Worst of ALL..it sucks for S9 and S6….they love being here..they love the fun we have together, just like you used to LOVE spending time with me….because when I’m with them I AM the person you fell in love with……because they LOVE me back. Let me give you some advice though….this Judge…is starting to see your true colors…read between the lines. Read what she is saying to you on November 2nd and in that contempt hearing…..she’s not just sick of me….she’s kinda sick of you too. Do what you feel you must with Christmas…..I will live through this just like ALL of the other atrocities that you’ve inflicted on me over the past 4 years….will it EVER stop?

~PEW

Our commentary: She is withdrawing this petition because she knows that if she sets foot in that court in front of Judge Contempt again – with this complete and utter bullshit – the consequences could be quite severe. When things turn in my favor – it’s because I’m “manipulative and evil and DW is my gonad-set and running the whole show.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Reality is – PEW gives me pretty much everything I need on a silver platter to use against her while avoiding, at all costs, anything that could put me at odds with the court. Oh, make no mistake, DW is one smart cookie and has assisted every step of the way – but DW doesn’t give me the evidence. DW doesn’t file all of the petitions which, during testimony, I turn around on her. She’s her own worst enemy and for that – I am thankful.

DW is the same person she tried desperately to get all “buddy-buddy” with, attempting to convince her that I was the spawn of satan and that she would soon see my “true colors.” When that doesn’t work – demonize!

Followed at 8:39PM by:

LM,

against my better judgement…I’m also going to say that I think that DW calls the shots..I have a really really really hard time believing that you are THIS mean. We spent some really good good times…..especially during the holidays. You and I had some good times at this time of year and I won’t ever forget that….remember the time I made you and MCB sing the SOUND of MUSIC?? that was right before I found out we were pregnant with S9. And we made love many times by the light of the Christmas tree…..particularly one time I remember when you asked me to marry you…by tie fire up the mountains……….LM…..remember the good not the bad…..our boys want to see their mommy during Christmas….

~PEW

Our commentary: Oh holy shit. Now, you will see some e-mails later on, but PEW has been trying to get LM back for 4 years now, only he could never see it. This psycho would actually ask him to move back in with him several times per year, and he couldn’t see it, thinking it was just about money, HA. As he read this, he looked over his shoulder and said, “sign into my e-mail account, and ah, yea, you are right.” LMFAO. I died when I read this, I mean seriously, I could not stop laughing for 2 fucking hours. This whore has tried to convince everyone she meets that LM is a sociopath that abused her for ten years, and yet here she is reminding him of how they made love? She is one fucked-up cookie.

Followed at 9:11PM by:

LM – in summary…………I know who calls the shots..and it’s NOT YOU. sad…~PEW

Followed at 9:23PM by:

LM – I got it…..worry more about squaring youself with not letting the mother of your children see them because it bothers your girlfriend.

~PEW

Followed at 9:41PM by:

LM, also, by the by the boys tell me that DW’s not so nice when “daddy’s” not around…what’s that all about??? a little resentment that’s what I’m thinking?? how about…….how insecure can you get after four fricken years….???? you need tp start thinking of ourboys particularly S9 in light of the trouble he’s been having since youu came to town????0 how long do you think your NON communication thing is going to fly with the teachers….this every other week has sucked….because your girlfriend doesn’t want it to work??? Get a set of your own and be a father……Regards. PEW

P.S. I know you wont respond because DW won’t allow it….because she’s a warped individual…I can’t help who you fall in love with.

Our commentary: Holy shit! Look at how the truly Psycho Ex-Wife operates. Demeaning, insulting behavior. A gross inability to accept responsibility for her actions. An innate ability to rewrite history, to create a new reality out of fiction that she actually believes! See back when LM only had weekend visits the boys had problems because he wasn’t around, oh, but now they have problems because he IS around. We have lots of these examples where she gets to argue both sides of an issue, it’s a win-win for her, where someone else always gets the blame

My guess is that she’s probably gone back to hitting the bottle pretty hard. Have another drink, you pig. Of course, these emails are not so different from others sent from work or other places where she would be hard-pressed to get away with being drunk. Sadly, rather than face and accept the reality of all that she has done and the consequences for her actions, the coping mechanism is to lash out, insult, demean – just like a bully to prop themselves up to make their sad, pathetic life more meaningful and reaffirm just how important they think they are.

Reality is dangerous to the BPD. Reality would mean she would have to lay there, in the dark, alone, and say to herself – “what the fuck is wrong with me?”

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Christmas 2007 – Part II: I’m in Contempt of the Future

PEW decides to sue me again. Here is the contents of her petition which would appear, at first glance, to have been written by an 8-year old. It wasn’t – she wrote it.

– On November 2, 2007 the Petitioner and Respondent entered into a joint custody arrangement as follows. The children are to spend alternate weeks with each parent, one week with mother, one week with father. The holidays are to be shared equally alternating years with the exception of Christmas of 2007, which is to be spent with father due to mother’s failure to exchange the children on Christmas Eve in [Exchange Point] in 2006. (I am not sure of the exact wording because I don’t have a copy)

– It has come to the Petitioner’s attention via email that the Respondent has decided to keep the children from December 16th, 2007 through January 6, 2007. The Respondent states that “In accordance with the court order, this year, I get the entire week with the boys, December 23rd through December 30th” A copy of this email is attached.

– The children have already been told that they “will not see Mommy for three weeks”.

It is the opinion of the Petitioner that it was not the Court’s intention to take away a whole week’s custody time from the Mother. The Petitioner does not believe that it was the Court’s intention for the children “not” to see their mother for a period of three weeks. The Petitioner does not believe that it is fair that she not have any custody time with her children on her regularly scheduled custody week of Dec. 23. through Dec. 30th. The Petitioner requests that the Honorable Court sets the parties right on the Court’s intentions for the holidays. The Petitioner feels that it is very important for the children to spend some time with their mother and maternal family during the week of Christmas. The Petitioner is requesting an Emergency Hearing so that she does not miss all of the holidays with the children.

This is the 12th day of December 2007.
—————————————-
Can you almost see her jumping up and down, fists clenched, tears running down her face as she cries to “mommy” IT’S NOT FAIR!!!

I can’t stand her use of the word “mommy” and the way she infantilizes our children. In future posts, we’ll detail why this happens – but it would disgust any reasonable human being that her (and her family) still talk in “babytalk” to the children, refers to herself as “mommy” and not mom or mother or something a little more advanced in development than a 2-year old, and use of that sickeningly sweet high-pitched squeal when speaking excitedly to the children.

At the same time, you’ll notice her ongoing contempt for JC and the court. The ethereal PEW, master of everyone and everything, has now called the court before her to explain the court’s intention.

What sucks about Family Court (besides everything) is that you can get a hearing for anything, even the tripe above. No one reviews petitions for merit. Like a meat processing plant, every petition is granted a hearing unless some provision in prior orders requires judicial review. This was no exception – a hearing is set by some clerk for December 26th, 2007 – the day after Christmas.

I immediately call Domestic Relations and the nightmare is confirmed. Worse than that, it’s schedule in front of a new judge – a double-whammy, as it gives PEW a new person to whom to spin her fabricated tale of woe. If I can’t do something to eliminate or continue this hearing, this will mean leaving my family on Christmas Day to stay overnight at the Work Residence in PEW’s state to attend a hearing the next morning. If that happens, she will have succeeded in ruining another in a long line of celebratory events dating back more than a decade.

I manage to track down the phone and fax numbers to the New Judge’s chambers and fire off the following request for a continuance of the hearing:

December 13th, 2007
Dear Honorable New Judge,

It is with great embarrassment I must write and make a request of you for either a denial of hearing or a continuance of hearing.

Sparing you as much detail as is reasonable, I have been suffering a serious abuse of the legal system by my ex-spouse, PEW, and this hearing is no different from many past. We are currently scheduled for a hearing on December 26th, 2007.

In March of 2007, PEW was found in contempt of court by Honorable Judge Contempt for custodial interference during my scheduled Christmas and Winter Break of 2006 and a failure to comply with other aspects of a custody order entered in October of 2006. One of the sanctions was that I was awarded Christmas week of 2007, specifically December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007. Further, at a custody modification hearing held on October 17th, 2007, an agreement and order was entered by the Honorable Judge Contempt which included a reinforcement of that earlier order.

Over the course of the last 2 years or so, I’ve had to endure no fewer than 5 false contempt petitions filed by PEW – all of which were summarily dismissed as being completely invalid. This latest petition on the part of PEW, after having numerous times responded affirmatively to Honorable Judge Contempt’s asking her if she understood and accepted the order, is another case of legal abuse and a clear attempt on the part of PEW to undermine my time with the children after withholding them from me this time last year. I have travel plans with my children this holiday season that will have to be sacrificed in order to attend this unjustified and malicious petition by PEW. I am scheduled to be out of town.

It is with great respect that I ask you to please deny her motion for a hearing or at least grant a continuance so that our holiday plans will not be ruined again. The order after the contempt hearing in March was clear. Honorable Judge Contempt’s order of October 17th, 2007 is clear. With regard to the Christmas Holiday this year, I am to have my children between December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007. Beyond that, our normal week-on and week-off schedule is to remain in force.

Sincerely,
LM
———–
The next day, I get two calls from the Judge’s chambers. Not only has my request for a continuance been granted, but the new judge had the hearing placed with Judge Contempt on January 24th, 2008.

Vindicated again.

A little part of me believes that the new judge went to Judge Contempt and asked what the situation was. Despite how busy Family Court can be, Judge Contempt is fed up with how well she knows us. I’d like to believe that when she saw that petition – she hit the roof and made sure that the case was both continued and placed before her.

I’m certainly not telling PEW. In fact, I was hoping that she got the notification so late that she would show up at court on the 26th only to find out there was no hearing. I probably wasn’t so lucky as I haven’t had a rage email regarding this.

With our next post – we’ll wrap everything up with a conclusion detailing the fallout over this. It’s as bizarre, if not more so, than what you’ve read so far.

Know this – we’ve had an amazing Christmas Holiday here. All of the kids together, no court hearing, and a wonderful time had by all! We hope yours was as great as ours has been.

More to come… Part III

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Christmas 2007 – Part I: Trying to Destroy the Holidays Again

If you read November 2, 2007 – Thanksgiving Comes Early, you’ll see the details of the current order that resulted from that hearing. For this post, it’s the provision that reaffirms the Judge’s order from the Contempt Hearing in March 2007 regarding the Christmas holiday this year.

When dealing with someone who has or may have Borderline Personality Disorder, your protection is in the details. If you’re dealing with a BPD person, never forget that lesson. The more specificity you can get into an order, the less exploitation of vague provisions in the order can be done in an attempt to drive you frigging insane!

In this case, I was smart enough to specify the dates for which my Christmas 2007 is to be – December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007. That is the whole of Christmas Holiday and winter break, which was what I was entitled to in 2006.

In true PEW fashion, her sick, twisted mind simply blanks out those parts of history that do not meet with her approval. It doesn’t matter on whose authority they originated, be it a doctor, a lawyer, or… A JUDGE. Time and time again she almost pathologically sets out to cause chaos. She has absolutely nothing better to do with her life.

On 12/11/2007 comes the first sign of trouble via email from PEW:

LM,

I’m trying to figure out the holidays…..I’m assuming you’ll drop them off on the 23rd…pick up again on christmas eve, bring back on Christmas day? Can you let me know.

PEW

Our commentary: Are you fucking kidding me? It’s only been 39 frigging days and it’s as if nothing happened before her email that would have prevented her from sending it. This is the kind of bizarre, indescribable bullshit we’ve had to deal with for the last 3-years, and what I had dealt with for 9-years prior to that. It’s the incessant, compulsive desire for my attention. My one and only response:

PEW,

In accordance with the court order, this year, I get the entire week with the boys, December 23rd through December 30th.

~LM

This is subsequently followed by a barrage of escalating emails from PEW to which I do not respond:

LM,

You cannot have them three weeks in a row. That is bullshit, we weren’t operating on this arrangement then. You had the whole summer and then moved up here too. If that’s your position, I’ll be filing a petition…..and I’ll be filing a modification of the child support too since I let you get away with $200/month. You’re a bastard.

PEW

Followed by:

LM,

when were you planning on returning them? I want them on Sunday the 23rd.

PEW

Followed by:

LM,

It would make sense for you to get the days you missed from the 24th to the 27th, but not the whole week??? That is not the intention of the make up time form last year. I am sick to my stomach that you are going to do this to them. I am filing tomorrow in the hopes that they will get us in before Christmas.

PEW

Followed by:

LM,

I don’t have a copy of the new court order. What does it say with regard to the holiday? I am so upset right now. You don’t get the entire winter break….you get the Christmas holiday. What kind of person would do something like this? You’ll have them for a full week and then I should get them back on the 27th at the very least because that is when you got them last year. It’s hopeless to even talk to you….you are an evil person………I can’t believe this.

PEW

Followed by:

LM,

I’m filing this as an emergency. Do you have a fax # the court can send notice of hearing to?

PEW
—————-
Our commentary: Yes, she filed an emergency contempt petition. Here is just how much of an imbicile she is:

What am I in contempt of? I’m following what is the court’s order to the letter. Even if I was in contempt of something, if it hasn’t happened yet, how would I be in contempt of the order? If I was withholding some holiday custodial time from her, how in the hell did I manage to do it on December 12th, before the holidays have happened? How about the unmitigated gall of asking me to volunteer my private fax number so that I can expedite being served again for her convenience. Can you say unlimited sense of entitlement?

A hearing is scheduled, believe it or not, for December 26th. I’m pissed.

More to come… Part II

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November 2nd, 2007 – Thanksgiving Comes Early

Prior to November 2, 2007 – I was the “non-custodial parent” and had my children about 1/3 of the year. Every other weekend during the school year + extra time (holidays, spring and winter breaks, teacher in-service days, etc.).

November 2nd, 2007 was the latest in a long line of custody hearings during the course of the last 3-years and saw gain even more ground. After being unemployed for the better part of 9-months, I managed to secure a job, but not just any job (as future posts will detail) – a job back in my original state, which gave me the opportunity to get 50/50 custody of my children.

She had actually filed what I believe was her 6th-contempt petition against me in addition to a petition to modify custody to award her sole physical and legal custody. When I got my new job and secured housing in the state where the children reside, I exercised a clause that Judge Contempt entered into the custody order of October 13th, 2006, which read something like “…should father obtain employment and establish a residence in the state where the children primarily reside, he shall be granted 50/50 custody after a short hearing.”

I secured employment on September 4th, 2007. I secured a nice cottage house on October 6th, 2007 – only one week before my deadline. You cannot begin to imagine the series of events which had to happen to enable this dream to come true – and that they did was equally unimaginable. November 2nd, 2007 was that short hearing. I filed my counter-modification for custody on September 7th, 2007.

It was a fairly uneventful hearing. With exception of 2 provisions in my petition (items 4 and 8 – she didn’t like being ordered to meet halfway), PEW actually agreed to all of the rest of my terms. The entirety of my petition was as follows:

The Petitioner respectfully requests that the Honorable Court modify the existing Order of Court as follows:

1 – Legal Custody: Father and Mother shall have joint legal custody.

2 – Physical Custody: Father and Mother shall have joint physical custody. The schedule shall be alternating weeks, with exchanges taking place on Sundays, commencing with Father’s first available custodial week commencing after entry of this order or move-in date for the reserved [Work State] residence, whichever is later.

3 – Vacations: Vacation plans must be made by either party during their custodial time and may not interfere with the other parent’s custodial time. If vacation is to be taken, each party must provide the other a minimum of 15-days notice as to their vacations dates, locations & addresses,, and contact phone numbers.

4 – Custody Exchanges: Custody exchanges will take place at a mutually agreed upon location to be provided to the court in writing by both parties within 48-hours of this order. Exchange time shall be between 3:00PM and 4:00PM. Should father elect to spend custodial time with the children at their [Home State] home, the custody exchange shall take place at the [Exchange Point]. on Sundays, between 4:00PM and 5:00PM, unless Father is returning to his [Work State] residence, in which case, the exchange shall take place at the agreed-upon exchange point.

5 – Holidays, Special Occasions: Physical Custody of the children shall be shared by the parties according to the following schedule which takes priority over regularly scheduled periods of custody:

Thanksgiving to include the entire weekend of Thanksgiving. Father shall have custody in odd years and Mother shall have custody in even years.

Christmas to include December 24th through December 26th, Father shall have custody during even years and Mother shall have custody in odd years with the following exception: Pursuant to the contempt order entered by Honorable JC in March of 2007, Father was awarded the holiday of Christmas 2007 for the full week from December 23rd, 2007 through December 30th, 2007. Beginning in 2008, the aforementioned holiday schedule will resume.

New Year’s Holiday to include December 31st, through January 1st. Father shall have custody in odd years and Mother shall have custody in even years.

Easter Holiday shall be in accordance with the school calendar. Father shall have custody in odd years and Mother shall have custody in even years.

6 – Phone Communication with the Children: Each party shall have reasonable telephone access to the children at reasonable hours when they are in the custody of the other parent.

7 – Childcare: During the school year, the children are to be enrolled in aftercare associated with the school they attend preferably. If not, another licensed daycare facility is permitted as agreed upon in writing by both parties. During the summer period, the children are to be enrolled in a licensed daycare facility, summer camp, or certified nanny as agreed upon in writing by both parties.

Right of First Refusal – In the event that either parent cannot make themselves available to care for the children during their custody period for reasons which may include, but are not limited to; work travel, family illness, school holiday without work holiday, family emergency – the other parent will have first right of refusal to care for the children prior to any other arrangements being made. If the other parent is unable to care for the children under such circumstances, the custodial parent may make other suitable arrangements. Both the offer and acceptance/refusal must be made in writing.

8 – Child Custody Changes (Relocation): Should father lose employment and housing in the area where the mother resides with Mother at any time, all provisions set forth in the prior custody order dated October 13th, 2006 shall return to full effect if such termination affects his ability to remain a resident of [Work State] and financial circumstances necessitate a return to the [Home State] residence.

9 – Extracurricular Activities: Each party may sign up the children for sports teams or other extracurricular activities that take place during that parent’s custody time so long as that activity doesn’t require the children’s or child’s participation during the other parent’s custody time absent the other parent’s written agreement.

10 – Decision-Making: With regard to any emergency decisions that must be made, the parent with whom the children are in custody at the time shall be permitted to make the decision necessitated by the emergency without consulting the other party in advance. However, the parent making such a decision shall notify the other party of the emergency and consult with him/her as soon as possible. Day-to-day decisions of a routine nature will be the responsibility of the parent having physical custody at the time.

11 – Changes: All provisions of this agreement may be altered with prior WRITTEN agreement between both parties. If a deviation is agreed to by both parties, it may not be revoked or changed without subsequent written agreement by both parties. Written agreements may be accomplished via email, fax, or through other documented media.

The orders of January 11, 2005, August 28th, 2006, and October 13th, 2006 shall remain in full force and effect except as modified herein.

The Petitioner does pray and request that the Honorable Court will grant the Modification as stated herein on an Emergent Status. The reason for the request for emergent status is to allow the Petitioner to expedite the final plans for living arrangements suitable for the family and to permit the father the custody time to which he is entitled and fervently desires as quickly as possible.

Respectfully Submitted,
LM
————————
On item 4, the judge made me responsible for the full trip should I take them to my home in my home state (about 4-hours away) since I now have a residence and will usually be coming back to PEW’s home state.

The judge revised item 8 to exclude everything and call for a hearing because “many other circumstances may have changed as well and I would want to review the issues that may exist at that time.”

Neither wholly unreasonable. I got my 50/50 and that was all that truly mattered at that point. When asked on no fewer than 3 occasions by JC if she read and understood all provisions of the petition that were about to be entered as her order with the aforementioned changes, PEW answered, “yes.”

She’ll conveniently forget all of these details when she files her next contempt petition in an effort to destroy another holiday – Christmas 2007 – less than 45-days later… I’m in Contempt of the Future

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E-mails Never Sent: The State of Reality

After deciding to go low contact with PEW we have a good time writing replies that are never sent in the aftermath of whatever delusion she is currently embroiled within. This is the reply that was never sent after the dentist debacle of 2007.

The State Of Reality Address, 04/2007

After your latest delusional diatribe, it’s time for me to give you a stark reminder of reality, one which you are incapable of understanding or accepting, but one that you should be made to read about every once in a while.

With regard to the dentist issue, all you ever had to do in the last 2 years was let me know that you were unwilling or otherwise incapable of making sure that their teeth were examined and cleaned. I could definitely have taken them to the dentist during what should have been at least one of their 6-month visits, but since you have dedicated all of your communication to the usual and customary abuse and denigration, you’ve conveniently let their dental hygiene fall by the wayside. Yes, I can take them to the dentist this Summer, but the school required that this be handled this past year, not in the Summer. Blame me, you always do, but the reality is – you didn’t do anything to make sure that their teeth were taken care of, including simply letting me know at ANY time during the last 2 years that they needed exams/cleanings. You fought so hard for primary custody and can’t seem to make sure that they go to the dentist regularly. I guess when their teeth start to rot – that’ll be my fault, too. Way to hone your victimhood skills, PEW.

As for school, yes, I know how well he is doing and how well he is reading. As always, I encourage his schoolwork and contribute more than you’ll ever care to know. I read with him. I encourage him to try different kinds of books (including now reading stuff that is even higher than his current rating) and he is doing extremely well with it. It’s amazing the types of things he is willing to do when he is not planted in front of a tv, playing computer games, videogames, or his gameboy.

Your assertions regarding my alleged “criticism and control” are not only false where the kids are concerned, but have always been false and/or greatly exaggerated throughout our existence in each others’ lives so that you always have a horrifying story to tell all of those who unquestioningly support you. The only real shame is that they won’t see all of the evidence that I have who shows who the most controlling, abusive, and manipulative person was and continues to be in this “relationship.” It goes without saying that they would be shocked, concerned, but most of all, saddened by the efforts you’ve put in to hide the real you from them, at least with respect to your (ex)husband and your children.

As usual, you take full credit for all of the good they do and none of the credit for anything that goes wrong. They are doing so well because of their teachers… teachers who work very hard despite your efforts (or lack thereof), particularly in the arena of developing their interpersonal relationship skills and making sure that they get to bed at a decent hour so that they are not so habitually tired and lethargic in class – the chief complaint of both of their teachers and the ONLY significant complaint (as Ms. R told me) regarding S9. I can’t imagine how well they would be doing if they got to bed at a reasonable hour regularly and their television, videogame, and movie time were curtailed in exchange for time spent doing something more meaningful. When the children are with DW and I, they engage in fun activities, activities where they get a decent amount of exercise, and educational activities, such as reading, crafting, or simply playing games where they actually have to interact with other human beings.

I can take an awful lot of credit for how great the children are because we make a great effort to make their lives as normal and meaningful as possible with the time they have with us. We are severely limited in that you’ve spared little effort to minimize the time that I have with the children. Despite your efforts, I still have them fully 1/3 of every year, and though disjointed in nature, do the very best to make the time we do get together as meaningful as possible. Since you and I have an equal number of weekends, and the majority of the 15 or so hours that you actually have with them during the week is spent in front of a television or on the computer, I’m pretty confident that the actual meaningful interaction with the children is at least even.

As for the money issue and what I buy, you really need to figure out a way to understand the reality of the situation. When I did have my job, my take-home pay was about $36K/year. After taxes, I am required to give you nearly $14K… tax-free. That leaves me with $22K with which to take care of all of my bills and support the children when I have them 1/3 of the time. You, on the otherhand, after receiving that amount from me, top out with a TAKE-HOME pay figure of somewhere between $35K and $40K. How you have been unable to manage the take-home pay of a junior executive escapes me, but the only person responsible for that is you. Though the alleged “figure” is about 60% responsibility financially, the reality is that I pay for much more than 60% of their actual needs annually. However, even taking 60% as the baseline, that means *I* pay for 60% of their food, clothes, shoes, toys, games, housing, medicine, doctors, school, childcare, gifts, parties, events, movies, “and everything else” as you put it when they are with you. The fact that you don’t recognize nor acknowledge that reality is not unusual for you and your perpetual victim position. Now, when you factor in that you paid NOTHING towards their childcare when they were with me (in 2005), you lied to the court when you offered overinflated childcare costs when you took them out of agreed upon childcare, placing them with friends and pocketing the difference, the amount of money you received from me in 2005 and 2006, tax-free, exceeds $30,000. That you haven’t set aside a decent portion of that money for a 403b or some other education fund for them is a crime. If you can’t manage to live appropriately on that amount of money, the laughable contention that you will be able to do it with “nothing” as you position yourself for martydom is just not a realistic expectation. Even if I were paying you nothing right now, I would still be in the red.

So, while you enjoy the luxury of having somewhere in the neighborhood of $35K – $40K after taxes and deductions ($15K/year of which I am required to give to you)… I have a mere $22K out of which I have to pay 100% of everything when they are in my care for between 100 and 150 days per year. You truly contribute NOTHING to their care when they are with me while I have been contributing in excess of $14,000 per year to their care when they are with you between 200 and 250 days per year.

I don’t know how you’ve managed to get it in your head that I have this stash of money, but the reality is that I have nothing. I actually have less than nothing. I expect to have nothing for the foreseeable future. When you combine the fact that even when I had a job paying $55K/year, given that I only had approximately $22K to pay for all of my responsibilities, for myself, the children, and everything else, I have no capacity to save for their future, let alone my own. Not for their educations. Nothing. Combine that with your history of irresponsible money management and the kids will continue to have nothing available for them which parents normally try so hard with regard to their children.

This is only compounded further by the unfortunate and unexpected situation with “my old employer”. Unemployment is the equivalent of $1,400/month and I only have 26-weeks of benefits available to me to pay for all of my responsibilities. Out of that, I pay you $200/month, leaving me $1,200 to pay for ALL of my responsibiliies each month, including the children 100% as you contribute NOTHING when they are with me. Given my housing contributions is supposed to be $1,000/month, you do the math. Given that, for now, I have to pay $750/month OOP just for the health insurance, you do the math. Not that you give a crap about any of this, but it was a struggle to pay for my responsibilities when I had a good-paying job. The fact that you would selfishly complain given the state of current circumstances only proves that your ability to project is limitless.

It’s frankly unconscionable that in the face of what is a very, very serious situation for all of us, all you can do is think about yourself, continue with your uncanny ability to verbally and psychologically abuse others, and not face the reality that is that everybody loses and mostly because of your inability to do little beyond creating chaos out of every single little situation that comes up, and in many cases, create chaos out of your own fiction. You have only ever had to do a minimum to ensure good, ongoing communication in this situation, but your selfishness, consistent inability to follow court orders and agreements continues us on this path of self-destruction and for that I am sad for everybody.

Finally, when the children grow up and have questions, there is little doubt in my mind that, if and when they are presented with the evidence of abuse, lies, and misconduct with regard to attempting to do right by them in the aftermath of the divorce that you so strongly desired, pursued, and ultimately received – that they will, without question, recognize that the true monster in all of this has been you. They will see how hard you worked and how much of their future you spent trying to separate me as much as possible from their lives. They will see how much of their future I had to spend defending myself and ensuring that you complied with even the simplest of requirements placed before us.

Worse than that, I don’t think you actually have the ability to change so that peace may take hold in this situation. All I have ever wanted was to move ahead with my life without all of the bullshit. Unfortunately, between your actions, your regularly horrible emails, and your ongoing refusal to comply with orders/agreements means that this type of relationship with you will never end and I assure you it’s ONLY because you can’t live any other way. The evidence speaks for itself.

This is the current state of reality, PEW.

~LM

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Pearly Whites

As you will see throughout our story, there are themes. There will always be issues with holidays, vacations, and dentists/doctors visits. Most of these have to do with two things, either responsibility which PEW can’t handle, or anytime PEW feels as if she’s being abandoned. This year’s dentist debacle was a special treat we’ve missed for awhile simply because the responsibility for taking them to the dentist was too much and they missed the last 3 visits. Keep in mind LM pays for insurance and PEW has primary custody at this point. We get the boys 4 days a month and yet she can’t handle 2 appointments a year *rolleyes*.

(04/16/2007) PEW
LM, I am having a serious problem with the dental insurance. I can’t find a dentist who accepts it. I’ve called several…I even went to the website…called dentists from there and the dental offices are telling me NO…they are not in the network. Both kids need an appointment, but especially S6 because the school wants it…..is there a dentist in your state or something who can see him this weekend maybe?

LM
Sorry you’re having such difficulty finding a participating dentist. I called “Insurance” directly and they told me that we can take the children to ANY dentist ANYWHERE in the country. If they take insurance, they should take our insurance card and file a claim directly with “Insurance”. If any dentist chooses not to do that, you will be required to pay up-front and then submit the claim for which you will be reimbursed 100%.

I have attached a claim form just for review. My dentist doesn’t have weekend hours so the worst case scenario is that we do what we had to in 2005… just give me the bills for the boys, I will submit them with the claim form, and write you a check when the reimbursement check comes. Like before, I have to submit for the reimbursement because the policy is through my employer.

PEW
LM, I do not have $600 laying around to fork out for the dentist…..especially since I have to pay you $675 this month. How about you take them to the dentist and put the money out? Thanks for nothing. You are just AWFUL.

LM
It doesn’t cost $600 for cleanings for the boys. Further, whatever you have to put out you will get back in full for the visits, just like in ’05. Also, don’t forget about the $365.94 which is owed me from the hospital visit for S9 last year. You had 20-days, which I believe has expired, to reimburse me, which again puts you in contempt of court. Please stop with the angry and abusive emails. Thanks.

PEW
I will have to leave ANOTHER job I love, because you can’t “be there” for your children. It has become glaringly obvious that you don’t EVER want to pay child support again, so you won’t work. And NOW you can’t even provide decent health benefits for them. I will start looking for a NEW job where I can get the kids decent benefits. Thanks LM….Thanks for RUINING our lives.

LM
Please stop with the angry and abusive emails. Thanks.

PEW
you can take them to the dentist over the summer. I will let the school know.

LM
I would suggest that you take them sooner rather than later unless a future switch to CHIP will cover dental as well. You know that the affordability of Cobra for the both of us at this time is not very good. Just a suggestion in the best interests of the boys’ dental health.

PEW
As I told you, there was a window of opportunity for the CHIP, which has passed. I would have to re-apply and who knows if they would accept us again. I take care of every aspect of the childrens physical, emotional, and academic health……I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to do a dentist appointment ONE time per year. I’m leaving it at that. It’s neglect on your part if you do not do it. Your insurance company will not even speak to me or reimburse me directly….it makes perfect sense for you to do this for your children. That’s all I have to say on this matter. I am telling the school that the boys will go to the dentist over the summer when they are with you.

LM
When was the last time the boys were at the dentist? Who was the dentist?

PEW
The fall of 2005 and it was Dr. B and he does not accept the Insurance

LM
The boys haven’t had an exam or cleaning in almost 2-years? And you intimated that I’m neglectful if I don’t take them? They should be getting exams/cleanings every 6-months, PEW. Too much trouble for you?

You do know it was a state requirement to have this done prior to the school year. And I must remind you that we may not have Cobra by the time Summertime rolls around. I’ll urge you again to take them to the dentist ASAP. You fought very hard to be the primary custodian, you should be caring for them like one. Or, if it’s too much trouble for you, again, we can always change custody arrangements. But please spare me your angry, abusive retorts. Or, if you were going to just not take them, you could have informed me prior to last Summer and I could have taken them. Take them to the dentist and get the form to the school.

Our commentary: Yes, we are supposed to pay child support, pay for insurance, take care of all the appointments including taking an entire day off to drive up to her state in order to do so, make sure they are eating well (when she has them too you know), punish them over the phone when they hit kids at school (she can’t be the “bad” parent), teach them how to tie their shoes, ride bikes, study, do it all, yes, even though we only see them 4 days a month. It must be nice to be the “primary” parent! Also, notice the projection? She says LM is neglectful, when you can clearly see it’s her. What an asshole.

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